Vaping just ruined my gentleman's sausage

Giraut · Jan 16, 2015

Lying down on the couch a minute ago, cat sound asleep on my tummy. I took a toke, blew a ring above kitty's head, damn thing woke up, went wild, bolted and busted my crotch with her back claws. I'm fucking bleeding too goddammit...

BigNasty · Jan 16, 2015

No scaring your cat ruined your manhood.
Blaming vaping is you not taking responsibility for your own actions.

Giraut · Jan 16, 2015

But I've done it a million times before. She never does shit like that.
Aaw gotta go get me a bandaid.

BigNasty · Jan 16, 2015

If I m napping or chilling and someone knocks on the door mine shreds me to hell also.. thankfully he is a hip rider not a junk musher.

MKPM · Jan 16, 2015

Less Top Gear

Zamazam · Jan 16, 2015

Cat scratch fever in your John Thomas might happen- use antibiotic ointment.

BigNasty · Jan 16, 2015

Wrong kitty sharpening it's claws on your scratching post.

BoomStick · Jan 16, 2015

Little fucker tach'ed it out and dumped the clutch leavin' some pretty nice ruts in yer front yard huh? That's terrible. Fucking hilarious, but terrible.

Giraut · Jan 16, 2015

Well, not too much damage done after all. No bandaid needed after all, which is just as well because none of the ones I have can stretch.
The cat is nowhere to be seen. She probably know she ain't welcome right now, clever her...

vaperature · Jan 16, 2015

I don't even know where to begin with this one.

Donald Bickers · Jan 16, 2015

Giraut said:
Well, not too much damage done after all. No bandaid needed after all, which is just as well because none of the ones I have can stretch.
The cat is nowhere to be seen. She probably know she ain't welcome right now, clever her...

the childrens section has a nice variety of band aids

Whiskey · Jan 16, 2015

Ummmm, O-u-c-h.....that is all

RMarcusY · Jan 16, 2015

Are we allowed to laugh yet?

Zamazam · Jan 16, 2015

I haven't stopped laughing yet.

Just Me · Jan 16, 2015

Sorry you couldn't find a small enough bandaid

vaperature · Jan 16, 2015

Saratoga Joe · Jan 16, 2015

That's what you get for laying around the house naked...

MKPM · Jan 16, 2015

Saratoga Joe said:
That's what you get for laying around the house naked...

With a cat nestled in your man garden.

Cloudy Peak Vapes · Jan 16, 2015

franciscan said:
Less Top Gear

One of my favorite Jeremy Clarkson phrases.

Oh, and sorry about your sausage.

WARCHOP37 · Jan 16, 2015

So you havnt answered the question. Why were you laying nude on your couch with a kitty on your...oh wait. Im pretty sure thats NOT how youre supposed to do THAT. hahaha

Huckleberried · Jan 16, 2015

Maybe you should pet your pu Nope, can't type it.

Donald Bickers · Jan 16, 2015

Huckleberried said:
Maybe you should pet your pu Nope, can't type it.

PUSSY ,,,there I said it

moecat · Jan 16, 2015

Is this thread for real?

Donald Bickers · Jan 16, 2015

moecat said:
Is this thread for real?

takes so little to occupy our minds

moecat · Jan 16, 2015

I think there would have been more sympathy for @Giraut if this incident involved pussy, not kitty.

Donald Bickers · Jan 16, 2015

moecat said:
I think there would have been more sympathy for @Giraut if this incident involved pussy, not kitty.

a pussy that tore up his junk,,,,o shit,,,,,not a good picture

Huckleberried · Jan 17, 2015

Donald Bickers said:
a pussy that tore up his junk,,,,o shit,,,,,not a good picture

@Zamazam knows about an ointment, apparently.

Donald Bickers · Jan 17, 2015

Huckleberried said:
@Zamazam knows about an ointment, apparently.

almost makes you wonder how he knows that,,,huh

moecat · Jan 17, 2015

Frank and beans (absolutely could not help myself)!!!

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b374/SassyPants801/wrb2.jpg

Giraut · Jan 17, 2015

WARCHOP37 said:
So you havnt answered the question. Why were you laying nude on your couch with a kitty on your...oh wait. Im pretty sure thats NOT how youre supposed to do THAT. hahaha

I was NOT lying nude: the cat's claws went right through my pants

Pauly Walnuts · Jan 17, 2015

I assume the cat tried to escape the entire time, but got away while you were basking in the afterglow.....

galsvapetoo · Jan 17, 2015

This is the most insane funniest shit I've heard all week thank you. You have made my night. Oh and when I was a child even if it wasn't bleeding and I put a band aid on it. It always made it feel better

Huckleberried · Jan 17, 2015

galsvapetoo said:
This is the most insane funniest shirt I've heard all week thank you. You have made my night. Oh and when I was a child even if it wasn't bleeding and I put a band aid on it. It always made it feel better

Especially if mom put it on.

Pauly Walnuts · Jan 17, 2015

A mom will do it, no matter where the cut may be. Mine would anyways.

galsvapetoo · Jan 17, 2015

Pauly Walnuts said:
A mom will do it, no matter where the cut may be. Mine would anyways.

I wouldn't go that far if it was in the downstairs area sorry that would be a dad job

Pauly Walnuts · Jan 17, 2015

I had to have surgery on my testicle when I was in fourth grade. Mom checking the incision, how embarrassing! It wasnt as bad with my dad.
Before i went into the operating room he said "I had my sack cut open a couple years ago (vasectomy) and I dont even have scar, wanna see?"
I politely declined, but I knew his heart was in the right place.
Dads say some funny shit when they are trying to make you feel better.

Cruel-Phate · Jan 17, 2015

That's so funny......I bet it scared you more than anything. How long did you take investigating possible damages

great story and I can see that happening

Pauly Walnuts · Jan 17, 2015

Thats how you know someone cares. They offer to show you their junk in a room full of people.

galsvapetoo · Jan 17, 2015

Pauly Walnuts said:
Thats how you know someone cares. They offer to show you their junk in a room full of people.

That is truly heart warming

Huckleberried · Jan 17, 2015

Man I love this forum!

moecat · Jan 17, 2015

Huckleberried said:
Man I love this forum!

You and your fascination with the male bits

Huckleberried · Jan 17, 2015

moecat said:
You and your fascination with the male bits

Yes, I can see how you came to this conclusion based on my love for this forum. You just like pestering me, moe.

Ld3441 · Jan 17, 2015

This thread is now closed............. oh wait

Huckleberried · Jan 17, 2015

Re-opened! Like a ripped off band-aid!

galsvapetoo · Jan 17, 2015

Huckleberried said:
Re-opened! Like a ripped off band-aid!

This is perfect!!!

TruSound · Jan 17, 2015

There's really only one solution that'll save your manhood, get a dog.

zaroba · Jan 17, 2015

TruSound said:
There's really only one solution that'll save your manhood, get a dog.

Assuming you don't spill food on your crotch. lol

Whiskey · Jan 17, 2015

Pauly Walnuts said:
I had to have surgery on my testicle when I was in fourth grade. Mom checking the incision, how embarrassing! It wasnt as bad with my dad.
Before i went into the operating room he said "I had my sack cut open a couple years ago (vasectomy) and I dont even have scar, wanna see?"
I politely declined, but I knew his heart was in the right place.
Dads say some funny shit when they are trying to make you feel better.

OMG!!!!TMI!!!!

Pauly Walnuts · Jan 17, 2015

BWAAHAHAHA

Saratoga Joe · Jan 17, 2015

Giraut said:
I was NOT lying nude: the cat's claws went right through my pants

Well then, it must have been the gas from the heavy beer drinking and hard boiled eggs.

Vaping just ruined my gentleman's sausage

AMG

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