Become a Patron!

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

ghost62

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
How did the dinner go, ghost?
Hahaha! You missed my rant in the '4 Words Only' thread.
The dinner party is a semi-regular, rotating event with a different person hosting each time. We get together, on average, every other month so it's usually 14 months or so before it's someone's turn again (4 couples, 3 singles).
Back in February, the person hosting, invited a new couple he works with and they , unfortunately, weren't very well liked- very abrasive personalities, rude, constantly fought with each other- so they weren't invited again.
They showed up last night, out of the blue. Not positive how they found out, but I've got a pretty good idea.
Anyway, these dinner parties are for the adults only. We all found sitters for the night but they showed up, uninvited, with two kids in tow (a 4 and 6 year old).
To condense the evening, I'll just hit the high points- the kids screamed and chased each other all evening. The parents just yelled profanity at them instead of actually stopping them. One couple, dear friends of ours, left before dinner. The kids threw food at each other and other guests. They spilled pop all over the place. The woman complained constantly. The guy disagreed with every opinion discussed ('Now there, boy, I'm gonna tell you why you're wrong...' That's an actual quote and he said it more than once)
The dinner parties usually break up around midnight or so, but all the other guests were gone before ten, except this couple. They wouldn't freaking leave.
Just before 11, my wife started yawning and went up to bed saying, 'You need to come up soon. We've got an early morning tomorrow.' We didn't, but she was hoping they would take the hint. They didn't.
I tried to make a big show of cleaning up hoping that would work. Nope. He just sat there channel surfing on TV with his feet up on the couch. Meanwhile, his kids were digging in drawers and cupboards, throwing things on the floor. His wife walked around the house pointing out everything she would have done differently in decorating.
Cleaning, I picked up his car keys and took them over to him- still didn't take the hint. Finally, at 11:30, I told them they needed to leave. To be honest, I think I said, 'Ok. It's time to get out.'
As I was 'walking' them out, he asked when the next dinner was.
I just shut the door in his face.
I know all about the dangers of expectations, especially when other people are involved, but we all look forward to these evenings. A lot of money was spent, a lot of preparations made, a lot of work done and to have it ruined by a couple of clods is very disappointing.
I feel bad for our friends whose night was ruined.
I'm usually pretty good at letting go of my anger, but it took hours for me to calm down and, truthfully, I'm still upset.
 
Last edited:

Fishee

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Well I'm now on day five of turning in job applications. I'm so desperate for work now that I'm just hitting every business I see.
This shit really sucks:(
I'm learning some valuable lessons I'm sure. And eventually I should be able to realize what those lessons are.
Right now I'm just frustrated and depressed about the whole fucked up situation.
I spent almost 9 years locked up. The parole board made the decision that I could be let back into society. My PO and I have a very good professional relationship. I do all that I am required to do. And I do it because I want to not because I have to.
Been out for almost 2 1/2 years and making a good reputation for myself for the first time in my adult life.
Yet people continually judge me for the bad choices that I made well over a decade ago.
Fuck it makes me really want to hate people. But I am glad that instead I understand people.
Anyway, sorry to come here and bitch and moan about my lot in life.
Life has handed us and will continue to hand us terrible and painful things. My hardships are not unique.
There is a silver lining around every gray cloud. I know that to be true. It's just a matter of training the eye to see it.
No matter what, I have numerous things to be grateful and thankful for. And those are the things to consider and focus on when life kicks me in the junk.:eek:
My sobriety is such a huge accomplishment. I look at how stressed and sad I am right now and yet I can say I'm so thankful for my sobriety, so proud of myself for not wanting to take up a bottle in my times of disparaging feelings. So glad that I can think through my dilemmas rather than drink through them.
So grateful to have a place on this forum and people on this forum that I can share these thoughts and feelings with.
Life is good even when it sucks. ;)
 

ghost62

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Well I'm now on day five of turning in job applications. I'm so desperate for work now that I'm just hitting every business I see.
This shit really sucks:(
I'm learning some valuable lessons I'm sure. And eventually I should be able to realize what those lessons are.
Right now I'm just frustrated and depressed about the whole fucked up situation.
I spent almost 9 years locked up. The parole board made the decision that I could be let back into society. My PO and I have a very good professional relationship. I do all that I am required to do. And I do it because I want to not because I have to.
Been out for almost 2 1/2 years and making a good reputation for myself for the first time in my adult life.
Yet people continually judge me for the bad choices that I made well over a decade ago.
Fuck it makes me really want to hate people. But I am glad that instead I understand people.
Anyway, sorry to come here and bitch and moan about my lot in life.
Life has handed us and will continue to hand us terrible and painful things. My hardships are not unique.
There is a silver lining around every gray cloud. I know that to be true. It's just a matter of training the eye to see it.
No matter what, I have numerous things to be grateful and thankful for. And those are the things to consider and focus on when life kicks me in the junk.:eek:
My sobriety is such a huge accomplishment. I look at how stressed and sad I am right now and yet I can say I'm so thankful for my sobriety, so proud of myself for not wanting to take up a bottle in my times of disparaging feelings. So glad that I can think through my dilemmas rather than drink through them.
So grateful to have a place on this forum and people on this forum that I can share these thoughts and feelings with.
Life is good even when it sucks. ;)
Heck yeah!
Using never solves anything cuz our problems are still waiting for us when we sober up, except now they're worse.
Hang in there.
When I hit bottom and melted down, it was pretty public and word spread fast. When I got out of rehab, I had no income, no place to live, my savings were gone and all doors felt like they were closed to me.
I had many, many contacts, some that I considered close friends. They had always said that if I ever wanted to come to work for them, they'd be lucky to have me.
Turns out attitudes can change pretty quickly.
I ended up unloading trucks at a grocery store for minimum wage. I hated that job but I showed up at 430 every morning and worked like it was the greatest job in the world- not to impress them, but because both my Higher Power and I expected it.
I kept at it and things began to slowly get better.
It took years of putting up with crap jobs, unfair treatment and learning LOTS of humility but I'm back on track. I don't have a big home like I used to. My car is old, but nice and well-maintained. I have TRUE friends that care enough to tell me the truth. I'm married and we have legal custody of our 3 year old grandson. We're raising him as our own, teaching him values and honesty and fair-play.
We both work full-time ( I work two jobs- one full and one part time) and we're both highly valued by our employers.
It's a far cry from the life I used to live but much more satisfying. We're comfortable. The bills are paid with enough left over for an occasional luxury.
All in all, it's a good life. Most of the world would say it's very, very ordinary and that's ok.
We're happy.
All that aside, a life in recovery with no worldly rewards is still far better than a life spent living the hell of active addiction.
Keep at it- life is what we make it, not what we have.
 
Last edited:

ghost62

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
And on a side note, keep track of every application that you turn in. Get the name, if possible, of the person that does the hiring and call them on a regular basis. Most employers don't have a formal HR department and they are pretty lax about their record keeping when it comes to applications.
Keep your name in front of them. Stay in their mind and when a position opens, you'll likely get at least an interview.
Applying without organized follow-up is cutting your own throat, unless you are lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and get hired on the spot.
 

Huckleberried

VU Donator
Diamond Contributor
Member For 5 Years
VU Patreon
Aw Fishee. I hate that you're going through a hard time. I really do. Coming here to bitch about things is ok. I'd rather you come here and talk about your hard times than go out there and create more. I've thrown a lot away in the past, in sobriety!, and had to learn some humility myself. My life is in no way perfect according to my own definition of that. I try HARD to keep a positive attitude about things. Right now I really struggle with that. You're a really good example for me right now. You guys help me feel not alone. Even in this forum, ya know? That's really cool.

I know things will turn around for you, cuz you're looking up :)
 

Fishee

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
@Huckleberried Thanks you so much. You're truly a very sweet lady and I appreciate you so very much.
I know I clown around a lot and some folks may think all I am is a clown. But those of you who have taken the time to consider that we aren't just faceless avatars and usernames but actual real living feeling passionate people are the ones that my heart goes out to and have the utmost respect for.
Thank you for your kind words, you're a sweetheart.
 

Huckleberried

VU Donator
Diamond Contributor
Member For 5 Years
VU Patreon
Being a clown has it's moments, too! Nothing wrong with letting off steam, right? If it makes you feel better and helps people laugh, I'm all for it. Joe Dirt's momma always said, "When you're down, stare at a clown."
tumblr_m29pwx69sK1qc7z48o1_500.png
 

Fishee

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
LOL I love that movie.
Clowning around, clowning on myself, and clowning on others has always been a good way for me to let off some steam and just be my silly dorky self. I just have to make sure no one is victimized in my wake of wacky-ness.
 

ghost62

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
I use Rational Emotive Therapy in my daily life and with my sponsees as a supplement to the Steps.
Short version: The world is what it is. How I feel about the world is directly related to what I tell myself about the world.
If I'm going around saying everything sucks and this isn't fair and they shouldn't be able to get away with that and that's just wrong and why does this always happen to me, etc... Guess how I'm going to feel about my life?
I feel how I tell myself to feel. If I focus on negative, I find negative. If I always try to find the positive, I usually find it.
Keep telling yourself good things, my friends, and even if the world doesn't get better, you will.
Have a great night.
 

TexasSixPak

Member For 5 Years
This thread is for all of us who have been addicted to something. Who have fallen down a dark hole and have climbed back out or are just learning to how to start the climb. This is for those of us who are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.


I was addicted to m*th for about 5 years. I have been sober for 13 years. I quit on my own, just because I was tired of always feeling like crap.
Congratulations to you for your awesome accomplishment! Way to Go!!!
 

TexasSixPak

Member For 5 Years
for 20 years, I popped pills, I drank excessively, I was addicted to violence, I was addicted to pain. Been sober for 2 years and 8 months now. I fought hard to make it out alive. It hardened me, to a scary place of mind. But this place, is a warm and beautiful place. I love my sobriety. I try not to look back, looking forward is much more rewarding...but I will never forget, I will never forgive, I will never give in. I will survive, I will live. I will succeed. Raise your vapes brothers and sisters, this puff is for you. Much Love and Respect to all my Family here in the underground. Stay True.

Move Forward and Don't Look Back. You can't change your past... but you CAN change your FUTURE :)
 

Fishee

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
@ghost62
Amen brother. It took me a long time to realize that there is nothing external that can make me feel anything. I choose how I feel. People or things do not have the power over my mind nor my emotions. No one can "make" me feel anything. I choose to feel the way I feel.
I feel good. Touch me, you'll think the same thing.
 

Huckleberried

VU Donator
Diamond Contributor
Member For 5 Years
VU Patreon
I use Rational Emotive Therapy in my daily life and with my sponsees as a supplement to the Steps.
Short version: The world is what it is. How I feel about the world is directly related to what I tell myself about the world.
If I'm going around saying everything sucks and this isn't fair and they shouldn't be able to get away with that and that's just wrong and why does this always happen to me, etc... Guess how I'm going to feel about my life?
I feel how I tell myself to feel. If I focus on negative, I find negative. If I always try to find the positive, I usually find it.
Keep telling yourself good things, my friends, and even if the world doesn't get better, you will.
Have a great night.
This reminds me greatly of a Teacher I had when I was studying A Course in Miracles. Good stuff.
 

Mommay

Silver Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Fishee, I'm so sorry that you're going thru a rough spell right now. There truly is a light at the end of the tunnel- sometimes, we just have to keep heading in the right direction until it is finally visible to us. I will be thinking of you often.

Ghost, you are a lot more tolerant than I! Those kiddo would've been sitting in the corner, even if I had to sit there on them! I think I would threaten the suspected "leak" with bodily harm, if the beans get spilled next time.... The older I get, the bolder I get - I'll just blame it on age. LOL
 

Fishee

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Fishee, I'm so sorry that you're going thru a rough spell right now. There truly is a light at the end of the tunnel- sometimes, we just have to keep heading in the right direction until it is finally visible to us. I will be thinking of you often.

Ghost, you are a lot more tolerant than I! Those kiddo would've been sitting in the corner, even if I had to sit there on them! I think I would threaten the suspected "leak" with bodily harm, if the beans get spilled next time.... The older I get, the bolder I get - I'll just blame it on age. LOL
:)Thank you mommay! I'm determined to make things work out for the good. And my Higher power has promised me that they will. I just need to stay focused and alert. It's such a blessing to have this thread and you fine folks to talk with. That by itself is freakin huge. It makes all the difference in the world for a little fishee in a very big pond.
 

Huckleberried

VU Donator
Diamond Contributor
Member For 5 Years
VU Patreon
One thing I've learned, even when I feel alone, I know I'm not. No matter how big the pond! I'll say a prayer for ya Fishee... why do I wanna keep typing Fissee?
 

bystander

Silver Contributor
Member For 4 Years
LOL @Fishee! Keep your head up... even if things don't always work that way, at least your head is! I've always admired how you can keep up your sense of humor despite all the struggles you have and have been going through. Please keep it up, and always remember that you're not alone... we're not just all faceless avatars - some of us actually do care about how others are doing, and wish we can somehow find a way to help. Even if it's simply sharing encouraging words.
 

Frawg

Silver Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Member For 3 Years
Member For 2 Years
Member For 1 Year
Member For 5 Years
Well I'm now on day five of turning in job applications. I'm so desperate for work now that I'm just hitting every business I see.
This shit really sucks:(
I'm learning some valuable lessons I'm sure. And eventually I should be able to realize what those lessons are.
Right now I'm just frustrated and depressed about the whole fucked up situation.
I spent almost 9 years locked up. The parole board made the decision that I could be let back into society. My PO and I have a very good professional relationship. I do all that I am required to do. And I do it because I want to not because I have to.
Been out for almost 2 1/2 years and making a good reputation for myself for the first time in my adult life.
Fishee, I know this won't help much but its not just you. Its likely not even your history that is the issue. Its the overall lack of jobs everywhere. Around here I have friends locally who have been out of the workforce for one reason or another for more than 6 months, everywhere they go signs say "we're hiring," except the signs should all say "we're hiring, just not you, especially if you've not worked in the last 3 months, we don't care how qualified you are."

Seriously I understand your frustration, I had a good customer service job in 2007, I got fired for reporting credit card fraud (no you didn't read that wrong, nor is it a typo). I couldn't find anything by normal job search means until I got voluntold to help out at a friend of a friend's vape shop in May. "Go help her out, you'll like the job." Most days I'm fine with the job, some-days I want to strangle some customers, its retail, its vaping, and now I'm a some-what paid volunteer. Meaning I get some income but not nearly 'normal' wages. But it puts me in the system here which is what I needed. Now I'm working 6-14 hour days several days a week. I heard the "you're not qualified to work here," line for 4 years since I moved to Indiana. The job market sucks, and no matter how many qualifications you have, its going to take finding a place to get your foot in the door, to take a chance, and hire you, before you'll get back into the system and then you could lose your job and have a new one the next day.

I've seen that here too, lady gets fired from McDonalds for stealing from the till. She was re-hired 2 days later by another restaurant chain, that turned down 8 people I know who were struggling to find work - but who had been out of the employed section of the workforce for more than a year. Logic no longer applies. Its not just you, or your history, but someone will take a chance on you. Sometimes it takes applying at places that you would never expect to say yes, as those are the ones, sometimes the ONLY ones that are saying yes.
 

Fishee

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
@Frawg
wow, thank you for that. I needed to consider and see this from a different perspective. And you just helped me do that.
I've only been seeing through my own vision. It feels like the world is against me most the time. But I know that's not true.
You're right. Logic no longer applies. Things in the work force don't make sense. My brother has no criminal record, he's a collage graduate with several degrees and he works at a pizza joint because he's been turned down over and over because of being over qualified.
Then you got me a convicted felon, high school drop out and I am basically limited to the same kind of work.
Plus living in a small town makes finding work tough too.
But I got an interview tomorrow at Arby's. Not my first choice of work but at least they are taking the time to consider me. So I might be building beef and chedders soon.:)
 

Frawg

Silver Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Member For 3 Years
Member For 2 Years
Member For 1 Year
Member For 5 Years
@Frawg
wow, thank you for that. I needed to consider and see this from a different perspective. And you just helped me do that.
I've only been seeing through my own vision. It feels like the world is against me most the time. But I know that's not true.
You're right. Logic no longer applies. Things in the work force don't make sense. My brother has no criminal record, he's a collage graduate with several degrees and he works at a pizza joint because he's been turned down over and over because of being over qualified.
Then you got me a convicted felon, high school drop out and I am basically limited to the same kind of work.
Plus living in a small town makes finding work tough too.
But I got an interview tomorrow at Arby's. Not my first choice of work but at least they are taking the time to consider me. So I might be building beef and chedders soon.:)
Our local Arby's has the widest range of workers - in my opinion. The manager is a guy who most say shouldn't be in food service because he has more piercings & ink than some area tattoo shop owners - but he's good at his job. Their two shift leaders are both like you - but their mistakes are in the past and I'd rather have them making my food & taking my order than the snot nosed, gum snapping gossip girls that are usually too busy to pay attention to customers. Given I can't go in without the gossip girl gang commenting about how I don't need to eat anything except a salad and on more than one occasion they've gotten fired for being rude about customers, where they thought they were being cute. So I'm wishing you good luck and that your Arby's is as nice as ours is, regarding hiring those who could use a second chance.
 

ghost62

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Hiya @Frawg! Good to see you. Hope all has been well.

@Fishee I was talking to a friend last night and he mentioned that he just got a job after several months of looking. He's currently on probation and he asked his P.O. what businesses have hired other guys he supervises. He got several places and asked if his P.O. would give him a letter of reference.
He applied at nine different places that he was told about and got hired within two weeks.
He said that employers were a lot more willing to talk when they saw he had the backing of the probation department.
Even if he can't give you a letter, maybe he'll let you use him as a reference.
 

kelli

Vapid Vapetress
Platinum Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Member For 3 Years
Member For 2 Years
Member For 1 Year
Member For 5 Years
the only bad thing about mania is that it ends. crash and burn. sux
 

ghost62

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
M*th is an evil evil drug
I ran the hell away
when I started seeing my friends
shooting up :(
Yup. It's all evil but shooting m*th is scary bad. Smoking it takes a horrible toll on both the body and mind- it actually crystallizes in the lungs- but injecting it is just begging for a heart attack or brain aneurysm.
Running away? Best thing you could do.
 

Frawg

Silver Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Member For 3 Years
Member For 2 Years
Member For 1 Year
Member For 5 Years
the only bad thing about mania is that it ends. crash and burn. sux
-Smart thing to do.

Have an unrelated question - how'd you get the user title to be different than Verified VU member?
 
M

maddvaper

Guest
the only bad thing about mania is that it ends. crash and burn. sux
I like that pic of ya kelli ,I think thats the best one yet.Nice....
 
Last edited by a moderator:
M

maddvaper

Guest
Yup. It's all evil but shooting **** is scary bad. Smoking it takes a horrible toll on both the body and mind- it actually crystallizes in the lungs- but injecting it is just begging for a heart attack or brain aneurysm.
Running away? Best thing you could do.
Naw man you don't die when you bang dope,the devil couldn't get his dirty work done that way.......
 

kelli

Vapid Vapetress
Platinum Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Member For 3 Years
Member For 2 Years
Member For 1 Year
Member For 5 Years
hope eludes me
 

cherrycakes

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
Member For 3 Years
are you on any meds?
I gotta go pick up my refill btw

Idk they don't seem to help at all
but the withdrawals are a bitch
funny what the FDA approves of
 

Huckleberried

VU Donator
Diamond Contributor
Member For 5 Years
VU Patreon
Kelli, just look up. There is always hope.

"Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the Light, even though for the moment you do not see."


- Bill W.
 

Fishee

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
It's breaking my heart to think that sweet kelli is feeling hopeless.
If there's hope for a freakee Fishee like me then there has to be hope for a sweet kelli.
images
 

VU Sponsors

Top