I'm trying to grade 60 papers at home and I'm finding it hard to focus. I happened to have seen a story about some police department in England that had tweeted that people should report non-criminal hate crimes. Then I had a flash of inspiration that would keep me from my boring task. I should mention my wife is English by birth. I really do love Brits, but I also like busting their balls at times, for some unknown reason.
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----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Enquiries <[email protected]>
To: 'robert natxxxxx' <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2018 8:43 PM
Subject: RE: Non-criminal Hate crime
We are glad to hear it Robert.
Kind regards,
South xxxxxxx Police
From: robert natxxxx [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: 10 September 2018 17:42
To: Enquiries <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Non-criminal Hate crime
Thank you for your prompt reply. We just had a cup of tea and reconciled. The world is right once again.
Sincerely,
Robert
From: Enquiries <[email protected]>
To: 'robert natxxxxxx' <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2018 8:29 PM
Subject: RE: Non-criminal Hate crime
Good afternoon Robert,
I suggest you raise this with the police in the UAE. I’m not sure if this would constitute a crime there or not. As this has nothing to do with South xxxxxxx Police, we wouldn’t be able to help.
Kind regards,
South xxxxxxx Police
From: robert natxxxxxx [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: 10 September 2018 17:14
To: Enquiries <[email protected]>
Subject: Non-criminal Hate crime
I work in a large university which has numerous British citizens working in it. The other day an Englishman told me he hated all Americans, but especially the wankers from New York City. I'm from Boston so I wasn't as emotionally wounded as I hate New Yorkers as well. However, I was still deeply hurt by his obviously racist words, because as you may not know, there are many shades of people in America. By saying he hated all Americans, especially all the wankers in NYC, he has publicly stated he hates Black, Asians, Latinos and Whites. I'm reporting this as I read about the your police stating that we should report non-criminal hate speech. Seeing as the accused racist is English and that we are in the United Arab Emirates, a former colony of the former Great Britain, I hope you can help me.
Could you kindly provide me with some other British insults other than wanker, tosser, daft cow, chav, git, nutter, pikey, plonker, prat, slag, knob head, lazy sod, arse-licker, chuffer, ligger, and mad as a bag of ferrets? I've called the aforementioned English man all of these, but he just laughs at me. If you cannot do so, then I would expect you to properly scold him for being such a bad man. I can provide his phone number if you wish.
I'm so chuffed that you are stepping up and providing protection for all those whose feelings have been hurt by an Englishman. I assume you're quite busy these days as Englishmen have essentially been insulting the world for the past 300 years, but I trust you'll get to this particular issue in due time.
Sincerely,
A wounded cousin of yours.
Robert
Start at the bottom
----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Enquiries <[email protected]>
To: 'robert natxxxxx' <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2018 8:43 PM
Subject: RE: Non-criminal Hate crime
We are glad to hear it Robert.
Kind regards,
South xxxxxxx Police
From: robert natxxxx [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: 10 September 2018 17:42
To: Enquiries <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Non-criminal Hate crime
Thank you for your prompt reply. We just had a cup of tea and reconciled. The world is right once again.
Sincerely,
Robert
From: Enquiries <[email protected]>
To: 'robert natxxxxxx' <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2018 8:29 PM
Subject: RE: Non-criminal Hate crime
Good afternoon Robert,
I suggest you raise this with the police in the UAE. I’m not sure if this would constitute a crime there or not. As this has nothing to do with South xxxxxxx Police, we wouldn’t be able to help.
Kind regards,
South xxxxxxx Police
From: robert natxxxxxx [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: 10 September 2018 17:14
To: Enquiries <[email protected]>
Subject: Non-criminal Hate crime
I work in a large university which has numerous British citizens working in it. The other day an Englishman told me he hated all Americans, but especially the wankers from New York City. I'm from Boston so I wasn't as emotionally wounded as I hate New Yorkers as well. However, I was still deeply hurt by his obviously racist words, because as you may not know, there are many shades of people in America. By saying he hated all Americans, especially all the wankers in NYC, he has publicly stated he hates Black, Asians, Latinos and Whites. I'm reporting this as I read about the your police stating that we should report non-criminal hate speech. Seeing as the accused racist is English and that we are in the United Arab Emirates, a former colony of the former Great Britain, I hope you can help me.
Could you kindly provide me with some other British insults other than wanker, tosser, daft cow, chav, git, nutter, pikey, plonker, prat, slag, knob head, lazy sod, arse-licker, chuffer, ligger, and mad as a bag of ferrets? I've called the aforementioned English man all of these, but he just laughs at me. If you cannot do so, then I would expect you to properly scold him for being such a bad man. I can provide his phone number if you wish.
I'm so chuffed that you are stepping up and providing protection for all those whose feelings have been hurt by an Englishman. I assume you're quite busy these days as Englishmen have essentially been insulting the world for the past 300 years, but I trust you'll get to this particular issue in due time.
Sincerely,
A wounded cousin of yours.
Robert
