I am a drunk fool. My god daughter took her own life this month. My wife is in the hospital with serious cardiac event. And I just can't deal with the stress. I'm a garbage can. I drink do drugs doesn't matter as long as it changes the way I feel. I'm hopeless. I'm going to jail on the 28th for 90 days. And why do you ask because I'm a dumbass. Hopefully my wife will be home before I leave as we have pets to care for. I went to detox came home started drinking again immediately. I am so sick when I don't have anything to drink. I don't know what to do. I'm 50 years old man. When the hell am I going to grow up and learned to live life on life's terms. Sorry to bother you I know you have your own issues.
First, Rick, I'm truly sorry for your loss and the difficult situations you're dealing with. I always hate it when people say they know how you feel because, in all honesty, they don't.
No one does.
What I can tell you is that I've been there- right where you are. In the space of 16 months, my son was killed in an accident, my wife left me and took our daughter, I lost my business, lost my home, burned every bridge to my family and friends and got myself thrown in jail.
And I too thought that drinking was the only way for me to deal with it.
In reality, I was being a selfish ass.
When my son needed a father, I drank instead and he followed my example and then drove, plowing into the back end of a parked truck.
When my wife needed me to be there for her to help cope with Evan's death, I drank and left her alone and without anyone to turn to.
When my daughter needed me to be her rock and to help make sense of losing her brother, I drank and made her hate me.
When my business partner needed me to step up and run things right, I drank and cost him his life's savings and robbed his family of their future.
Instead of reaching out to friends and family for help, I drank and drank and drank until no one would even take my phone calls.
When society needed me to follow the rules to keep others safe, I drank and ended up behind bars.
The only common thread? I drank.
What I thought was helping me cope with all of this was actually my selfishness making EVERYTHING worse, for me and for everyone around me.
Don't make the same mistakes.
Your wife needs you.
You need you.
However hard you think getting sober is going to be is nothing compared to what she is going through.
She lost as well.
She's lying in the hospital losing her husband to a bottle while faced with the prospect of a lifelong fight with heart problems that could take her at any time.
I'm sorry if I am being harsh but the truth of the situation is harsh and you need to hear it to wake up.
Get rid of whatever alcohol and drugs you have- not by having one last go around, but by flushing all of it.
Now.
Right now.
Get in the shower. Put on some clean clothes and go be by your wife's side. She needs you, now more than ever.
Yes, it's going to hurt. Yes, you're going to get sick. Yes, every fiber of your being will tell you that you can't do this.
But you can.
The pain will pass. The sickness will pass. The desperation will pass.
And the good news is that you don't have to do it alone. Nearly every community has resources you can turn to- the rehab you mentioned, AA/NA groups, church groups... there is always somewhere to turn even if it is recovery meetings online.
It does get better, I promise.
The first step, the most important step, is to dump the bottles, flush the drugs and to reach out to someone that can help.
If you do that, you can take back your life and become the person you're meant to be.
Don't know who that is? That's ok. I didn't either. No one does.
Take away the chemicals. Strip away the guilt and shame. Overcome the pain and the person you truly are will begin to come out all on its own.
God bless, my friend, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
