Need help (gf and vaping)

[Tempro]

So i got in a major argument with my girlfriend about some stupid shit and she later told me that she hates me vaping.
In the begginning in our relationship i was still smoking and i didnt told her. I only told her that last summer i vape btw and are u okay with that. We broke up 2 time before. So this is our third time. Before that i told her the fact that i vape. She doesnt like it. I never really vaped i front of her she just saw my mod on the table.
We are kind of the verge of breaking up. We miss each other but i want her to understand my struggle with nicotine that i actually want to quit and i ask her to at least support me or be okay with it.


I would like to ask for some advices or anything that could help me to tell her that its fine. She didnt give me an ultimatum but i feel that might come.

 

[PhantomOp]

Well, this isn't a relationship forum... however --- I feel that a relationship is a two way street, and if ultimatum's start getting handed out about "vaping" I would have to question the relationship. It sounds like there may be other "issues" already there as well if you have broken up 2 other times. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Tempro]

Well, this isn't a relationship forum... however --- I feel that a relationship is a two way street, and if ultimatum's start getting handed out about "vaping" I would have to question the relationship. It sounds like there may be other "issues" already there as well if you have broken up 2 other times. Just my 2 cents.

There are other issues but those are easy to fix.

 

[Deucesjack]

Variety's the very spice of life, that gives it all it's flavour.

-William Cowper

 

[Tempro]

Variety's the very spice of life, that gives it all it's flavour.

-William Cowper

I dont get it sry

 

[RMarcusY]

I see you are very young.

Let me till you what I know about women.

Don't argue with them,,,,,,, you never win,,,, even when you think you won ,,, you didn't.

Be honest with them about who you are, you don't want to act a lie the rest of you life.

There are plenty of girls/women for all, just find the one that wants you for what/who you are.

 

[PhantomOp]

There are plenty of girls/women for all, just find the one that wants you for what/who you are

You said what I was trying to get across. Very well said.

 

[EMusic]

You said what I was trying to get across. Very well said.

I agree that a person should be in a relationship where the two love each other for who they are, and that everybody has somebody like that.

 

[JuicyLucy]

Well, this isn't a relationship forum... however --- I feel that a relationship is a two way street, and if ultimatum's start getting handed out about "vaping" I would have to question the relationship. It sounds like there may be other "issues" already there as well if you have broken up 2 other times. Just my 2 cents.

I see you are very young.
Let me till you what I know about women.
Don't argue with them,,,,,,, you never win,,,, even when you think you won ,,, you didn't.
Be honest with them about who you are, you don't want to act a lie the rest of you life.
There are plenty of girls/women for all, just find the one that wants you for what/who you are.

You said what I was trying to get across. Very well said.

These are wise words ^^^^^^^

If she can't understand your struggle with nicotine and doesn't approve of your vaping, that is very likely to carry over onto other issues that crop up - and issues will crop in relationships, can't be avoided.

There is compromise (watch a chick flick instead of zombies) and there is compromise (can't do something that is important to you and your health without drama)

 

[Rabbit Slayer]

Give her the ultimatum, "accept me for me or don't let the door hit you on the way out"

 

[Whiskeywarrior]

Not worth the trouble in my eyes. Time to upgrade.

 

[PhantomOp]

These are wise words ^^^^^^^

If she can't understand your struggle with nicotine and doesn't approve of your vaping, that is very likely to carry over onto other issues that crop up - and issues will crop in relationships, can't be avoided.

There is compromise (watch a chick flick instead of zombies) and there is compromise (can't do something that is important to you and your health without drama)

My wife and I have been married for 18 years next week. There hasn't been a day go by that there hasn't been some level of compromise. Every day requires communication and thoughtfulness from all parties involved. Relationships are NOT a one way street.

 

[JuicyLucy]

My wife and I have been married for 18 years next week. There hasn't been a day go by that there hasn't been some level of compromise. Every day requires communication and thoughtfulness from all parties involved. Relationships are NOT a one way street.

No doubt, me and my Mr will have 20 years this may, and have been together for over 25 years.

I never thought I'd marry, because there are some things in my life I refuse to compromise on. Hell, I once dumped a guy because he didn't like cats, lol. It was a pity I thought, I really like him otherwise, but I loved my cat and the was there before him

Point is, if your values and priorities don't match, the compromises are too much, even the small ones

If you share similar goals and lifestyle choices, big compromises are a lot easier

 

[EMusic]

I like cats but I'm allergic to them. Unfortunately, that cuts down the amount of women I can date. *sigh*

 

[JuicyLucy]

I like cats but I'm allergic to them. Unfortunately, that cuts down the amount of women I can date. *sigh*

I see that as a lot different than suggesting we move in together without my cat, just because you don't like them

 

[PhantomOp]

Well @Tempro I think we're all kinda saying the same thing here. It may be time to have a conversation with your girlfriend and/or re-evaluate the relationship.

 

[Tempro]

Well @Tempro I think we're all kinda saying the same thing here. It may be time to have a conversation with your girlfriend and/or re-evaluate the relationship.

Well i agree. We just talked and the next month is our 2 year aniversary and we try to fix each other until that date. Then we decide if i continue on or not.

Thanks for the help guys

 

[EMusic]

I see that as a lot different than suggesting we move in together without my cat, just because you don't like them

I could never live with a woman who doesn't like dogs and doesn't want them around, as my dogs are my favorite companions and I would never get rid of them for anything or anybody.

 

[caihlen]

I could never live with a woman who doesn't like dogs and doesn't want them around, as my dogs are my favorite companions and I would never get rid of them for anything or anybody.

I totally get this. I prefer the company of dogs.

 

[freemind]

I would have made the decision to move on after she said she couldn't stand me vaping. You have not vaped in front of her, so she is trying to control you.

In all honesty, if she hasn't voiced by now, exactly WHY she doesn't like you vaping, she is just using it as an excuse to control you and your behavior. If you stick with her, you are going to find out she is going to control you like a robot, and anything she doesn't like you doing, she WILL make you miserable and unhappy over it.

Move on and find a nice girl who respects you for who you are and what you do. Find someone that builds you up, rather than tears you down. Be with someone that want to grow and build, like you do. Otherwise, you will end up being someone's bitch.

 

[SnapDragon NY]

I like cats but I'm allergic to them. Unfortunately, that cuts down the amount of women I can date. *sigh*

There a lot of fish in the sea- you will find the right one in time.

 

[AndriaD]

just find the one that wants you for what/who you are.

Brilliant advice for male OR female. If you're in a relationship with someone and they want to change you.... then you gotta ask yourself how it's possible that they "love" you -- if they love you, they shouldn't want you to change, or maybe they wouldn't love you anymore. If someone wants to change the person they claim to love... they don't REALLY love; they're just a control freak.

Been there, done that, got the divorce papers to prove it, and an almost-30 yr marriage to a guy who has HELPED me change (and vice-versa) but never REQUIRED it nor expected it. We'v each changed a lot since we've been together, just because we each saw the need, and wanted to be better people... not to please or keep each other. Some of those changes have certainly added to the success of our marriage, but neither of us required them of the other, they just evolved.

And someone who loves you will certainly not require you to stop doing something that you're doing in order to avoid doing something else which is lethal and stinky. If they love you, then they may not LOVE the thing you're doing, but they'll keep it to themselves.

Andria

 

[SnapDragon NY]

Well i agree. We just talked and the next month is our 2 year aniversary and we try to fix each other until that date. Then we decide if i continue on or not.

Thanks for the help guys

Wow- fix what- sounds like you are the one that needs fixing, haha! Guess what- when you get married, it gets worse, and I don't think I could handle its my way or the highway! Someone that really loves you loves everything or overlooks some quirks, I have been married for 38 years and trust me he has a lot of quirks, but he is a hard working,loyal and good man, and sometimes I have to take the good with the bad,I accept and love him for who he is, not to force him ! I wouldn't want a guy that was a ball less wonder, a doormat!

 

[EMusic]

Brilliant advice for male OR female. If you're in a relationship with someone and they want to change you.... then you gotta ask yourself how it's possible that they "love" you -- if they love you, they shouldn't want you to change, or maybe they wouldn't love you anymore. If someone wants to change the person they claim to love... they don't REALLY love; they're just a control freak.

Been there, done that, got the divorce papers to prove it, and an almost-30 yr marriage to a guy who has HELPED me change (and vice-versa) but never REQUIRED it nor expected it. We'v each changed a lot since we've been together, just because we each saw the need, and wanted to be better people... not to please or keep each other. Some of those changes have certainly added to the success of our marriage, but neither of us required them of the other, they just evolved.

And someone who loves you will certainly not require you to stop doing something that you're doing in order to avoid doing something else which is lethal and stinky. If they love you, then they may not LOVE the thing you're doing, but they'll keep it to themselves.

Andria

I like everything you said. Kudos!

 

[EMusic]

There a lot of fish in the sea- you will find the right one in time.

I hope so!

 

[AndriaD]

Wow- fix what- sounds like you are the one that needs fixing, haha! Guess what- when you get married, it gets worse, and I don't think I could handle its my way or the highway! Someone that really loves you loves everything or overlooks some quirks, I have been married for 38 years and trust me he has a lot of quirks, but he is a hard working,loyal and good man, and sometimes I have to take the good with the bad,I accept and love him for who he is, not to force him ! I wouldn't want a guy that was a ball less wonder, a doormat!

Absolutely. I smoked for 27 yrs of our nearly-30, and he HATED it... but he knew going in, that smoking was part of "who I was", so he accepted it. Naturally he's delighted since I found a way to stop smoking, and didn't even become psycho in the process of quitting. There are a few scents of ejuice he's not too wild about, but he doesn't say much; mainly he'll just request that I not vape that if we're gonna be closed up in the truck together -- but otherwise, he just keeps it to himself -- because he's so delighted I don't smoke anymore!

Andria

 

[EMusic]

Congrats on almost 30 years, Andria!

 

[EMusic]

And congrats to you on 38 years, SnapDragon NY!

 

[SnapDragon NY]

Absolutely. I smoked for 27 yrs of our nearly-30, and he HATED it... but he knew going in, that smoking was part of "who I was", so he accepted it. Naturally he's delighted since I found a way to stop smoking, and didn't even become psycho in the process of quitting. There are a few scents of ejuice he's not too wild about, but he doesn't say much; mainly he'll just request that I not vape that if we're gonna be closed up in the truck together -- but otherwise, he just keeps it to himself -- because he's so delighted I don't smoke anymore!

Andria

We both smoked when we met, and when I finally quit smoking with vaping, I tried to drag him into it to. While he does vape at work, he still smokes, but only in the heated garage , that is his choice! I would like if he quit smoking, but I am happy that he does vape too. He goes out to the garage to respect me for not smoking, not because I made him. I have not given him the ultimatum to quit smoking or else!

 

[Tempro]

But guys we are still pretty much young i am 19 and she is 18. The biggest problem was that i kept my bad smoking habit in secreft. Then secound time i got into vaping i quit cigarettes altogether. But you guys are so fucking right with the part that she have to understand my problem. The other problem was that she told me that i changed in the last 6 months the same could be said about her tho.

Well i hope she will accept my addiction and just deal with it.

 

[SnapDragon NY]

But guys we are still pretty much young i am 19 and she is 18. The biggest problem was that i kept my bad smoking habit in secreft. Then secound time i got into vaping i quit cigarettes altogether. But you guys are so fucking right with the part that she have to understand my problem. The other problem was that she told me that i changed in the last 6 months the same could be said about her tho.

Well i hope she will accept my addiction and just deal with it.

I was 17 when I started dating my husband and I got married at 20- compromise and love, I couldn't imagine a day without him, we grew up together, my best friend!

 

[JuicyLucy]

But guys we are still pretty much young i am 19 and she is 18. The biggest problem was that i kept my bad smoking habit in secreft. Then secound time i got into vaping i quit cigarettes altogether. But you guys are so fucking right with the part that she have to understand my problem. The other problem was that she told me that i changed in the last 6 months the same could be said about her tho.

Well i hope she will accept my addiction and just deal with it.

Wish you the best, however it turns out

 

[JayS0ul]

But guys we are still pretty much young i am 19 and she is 18. The biggest problem was that i kept my bad smoking habit in secreft. Then secound time i got into vaping i quit cigarettes altogether. But you guys are so fucking right with the part that she have to understand my problem. The other problem was that she told me that i changed in the last 6 months the same could be said about her tho.

Well i hope she will accept my addiction and just deal with it.

I gotta say, age shouldn't really play a factor. I've been smoking for 14 years. After a doctor's visit where he pressed that I tried an alternative and recommended vaping, it's made things easier between my sons mother and me. It's a rough road no matter the partner. But finding one who knows that they need to accept you as a package and understand that vaping is your way of trying to quit or replace the other 3900+ chemicals in a cigarette is key. It's hard all the way around. If compromise/understanding/acceptance/reason doesn't happen, I agree with the majority, it's time to move on. I slashed the previous statement simply because you may get all, some or none out of it all. My thing, it seems like you don't vape in her presence so I can't see what the issue is. You're trying to overcome a habit by your own ways that don't mean turning in into a raging a$$ hat because you're going through withdrawal. I wish you the best and congrats to the many who are married to current/former smokers/vapers and going strong.

Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk

 

[chuck333]

If she's telling you what to do and giving you ultimatums, tell her what to do with an ultimatum attached. Tell her it's who you are. Like it or forget it. If she can't accept you for you and is trying to change you to fit her concept of the perfect guy she should go and find that guy ready made and you should find someone who thinks you're perfect the way you are. Does she love you? No she thinks she can mould you into someone she can love. If it was me I would move on. (43 years married)

 

[PhantomOp]

oh .... to be young, dumb and full of c*** again ... i'll shut-up now.

 

[JuicyLucy]

oh .... to be young, dumb and full of c*** again ... i'll shut-up now.

One out of three ain't bad

 

[chuck333]

The boy started the relationship on a lie. He smoked and didn't tell her. That's like lying, pretending to be a nonsmoker. He followed it up with another lie when he neglected to tell her he had taken up vaping. When he finally did come clean he wanted her to accept his habits. She hadn't signed on for that. We as vapers tend to think vaping is rather harmless and quite acceptable. Some people find second hand vapour just as offensive as second hand smoke. I blame the young fellow more than I do her. He should walk away and start over and do it right this time. It's great to have a good sex partner available but if that's all you have it's just not enough. Sex only lasts like 5 or 6 hours of the day. Then you have to actually carry on a real relationship.

 

[nightshard]

It's not possible to hide smoking from your gf/wife/family, they can smell it from across the room.

She knew you were smoking and just decided not to confront you about it at the time.

 

[AndriaD]

It's not possible to hide smoking from your gf/wife/family, they can smell it from across the room.

She knew you were smoking and just decided not to confront you about it at the time.

Not entirely true, in some cases. I had quit smoking for about 90 days at one point, when I was with my ex. Finally I just couldn't stand it another SECOND and started back; I carried on smoking for over a year before he finally knew about it, and only then, because I told him.

BUT! a) he worked in an office full of smokers; and b) before he came home each day, I would brush my teeth, eat, take a shower, and then brush my teeth again and gargle -- so I was very VERY careful to take steps that would keep it from being obvious to a nose that was already smoke-deadened from work. Even non-smokers experience the deadening of their olfactory sense to some degree, when they're exposed to cigarette smoke. My present husband wasn't around it very much with me, only in the truck, or outdoors, but when I switched to vaping, he started noticing his own sense of smell getting keener.

Andria

 

[Tempro]

The boy started the relationship on a lie. He smoked and didn't tell her. That's like lying, pretending to be a nonsmoker. He followed it up with another lie when he neglected to tell her he had taken up vaping. When he finally did come clean he wanted her to accept his habits. She hadn't signed on for that. We as vapers tend to think vaping is rather harmless and quite acceptable. Some people find second hand vapour just as offensive as second hand smoke. I blame the young fellow more than I do her. He should walk away and start over and do it right this time. It's great to have a good sex partner available but if that's all you have it's just not enough. Sex only lasts like 5 or 6 hours of the day. Then you have to actually carry on a real relationship.

True. But the relation shio wasnt based on a lie. I was still underage when i picked up smoking and i fel embarassed about it for a long time. I promised myself i will quit when i get a girlfriend.

 

[Tempro]

It's not possible to hide smoking from your gf/wife/family, they can smell it from across the room.

She knew you were smoking and just decided not to confront you about it at the time.

It was pretty easy to hide the fact that i was smoking. I smoked 2-3 cigarettes a day. 1 before school 1after and 1 before sleep.
If i met up with her after school i skipped that cig. And at school i didnt see her in every brake. So 4-6 hours always passed after the last cig and i ate drank so it wasnt noticable.

 

[Tempro]

Also she once confronted me about that in the beginnig that do i smoke? And i didnt tell her the truth she woukdnt be mad about it i tell her the truth in the first time. I was scarred i was dumb. She is my first real gf so i wanted to look perfect.

 

[PhantomOp]

Hey @Tempro ... why is it your always in trouble with this kind of thing? I see similarities here... just saying...

http://vapingunderground.com/threads/i-need-an-advice-hel-needed-asap.237678/

 

[JayS0ul]

Also she once confronted me about that in the beginnig that do i smoke? And i didnt tell her the truth she woukdnt be mad about it i tell her the truth in the first time. I was scarred i was dumb. She is my first real gf so i wanted to look perfect.

There's no such thing as perfect from your own perspective. Perfection has to come from the other person. I should add that only the small things should be tweaked. Eating habits, money spending, etc. Pursuing to change larger parts of a person can cause mental damage beyond repair i.e. body shamming, intellectual degradation, etc. The latter comes with the person. However, body shamming can turn to a more minor thing if it comes in the form of concern for health. So each has to be taken into account in both the situation and the wording. Everything you're saying here, you NEED to tell HER. You sound like you're torn by your own actions. Telling her will help ease your burden and let her decide what she wants to do. Coming clean, however, may make her turn away from you. Or, it might make your bonds stronger. That's something out of your control but to fix the damage, you need to start there.

Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk

 

[JayS0ul]

Hey @Tempro ... why is it your always in trouble with this kind of thing? I see similarities here... just saying...

http://vapingunderground.com/threads/i-need-an-advice-hel-needed-asap.237678/

@Tempro because of this addition, I'm assuming you're a fairly shy person. At least to some degree. Concerned about how others view you. You should stop with that. It's only going to make your life harder.

Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk

 

[AndriaD]

I dunno about shy; what I'm seeing is a person who isn't really on speaking terms with honesty, in ANY situation, and that's a FAR bigger problem than any smoking, vaping, or relationship.

Andria

 

[Tempro]

@Tempro because of this addition, I'm assuming you're a fairly shy person. At least to some degree. Concerned about how others view you. You should stop with that. It's only going to make your life harder.

Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk

Yeah the thing is i messed up this part in the past. but im not shy anymore and we talk openly about stuff.
Also i think everybody is concerned about how others view them at some degree.

 

[Tempro]

Hey @Tempro ... why is it your always in trouble with this kind of thing? I see similarities here... just saying...

http://vapingunderground.com/threads/i-need-an-advice-hel-needed-asap.237678/

You know when you are ashamed about something you dont usually tell the truth. My parents became very cool about vaping tho.

 

[PhantomOp]

we talk openly about stuff

As of when ?

Here?

Well i agree. We just talked and the next month is our 2 year aniversary and we try to fix each other until that date. Then we decide if i continue on or not.
Thanks for the help guys

Tempro, Yesterday at 3:44 PM

 

[Tempro]

As of when ?

Here?

How am i going to say this lol. Not just here like everywhere like talking about stuff with my gf openly not shading stuff.