i knew your were joking
Thought you might. Still, I ought to not joke so much. People perceive my humor very different ways. That can lead to misunderstanding, argument. Besides, my humor any more is too dry, droll, may as well be said in serious manner. Difficult to joke over adversities when they seem to grow in hordes every day. More so when one has grown weary of days all being the same.
Yes, I know that within lies a power to create change. I have trouble motivating that power to manifest. My trouble is not all simply "well get to it". As well as that power inside there are errors inside which stymie the process of "feeling good" in being motivated, or enthused. No, that is not an excuse nor am I trying to use it as such. It simply is what is.
Since I have trouble "feeling good", I lack a sense of reward, or satisfaction in doing much of anything. You might for example think a sexual orgasm would leave you feeling all kinds of nice. It does for me for about a second and then that feeling is gone. To me it is the same feeling as vacuuming a room. "Yay! I got the room clean. Well, it'll get dirty again."
I also know part of that is "that's life". Can accept that yet at the same time still feel the wonder of "that's all there is?" No, I do not feel entitled to anything. That noted I wouldn't mind "feeling good" like other people do even once in a while. That must be a great feeling, I imagine. Then, my imagination may have it wrong too. It would be nice to know for myself.
So yeah, I'll go "get to it" despite not having any clue what it is that I need to get to. I also don't feel like screwing around doing any number of things labeled it, to find what "does it" for me. I am of an age in life I should already know that and be able to "get there". Know I like saving lives and did enjoy running as a volunteer EMT. I'm told the local crew here is rather one people would not suggest their worse enemies worth on. That kind of dashes that idea.
Volunteering also doesn't help earn that money stuff, as little as I care about money, it does still help in living. Yeah, I should, ...