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Expert schmexpert - ask me anything (if you dare)

Huckleberried

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I cannot possibly be an expert because I am not a male critter.

TOGA (The Opposing Gender's Answer): A perfect illustration of the difference between men and women. I can assure you that women do not have communal "viewing" in our restrooms. We do not say, hey biotch, does THIS look normal to you?

Even when we're ten sheets to the wind at a Fleetwood Mac concert in 1973, and girls are peeing in the sink, we do not do this. Even when we are outdoors at a Willie Nelson "do," we do not do this. Under no freakin circumstances do we do this.

Get yer wife/mother/sister/best girlfriend to teach you proper bathroom etiquette. Do not pull things out of your drawers and go "Does THIS look normal to you." No. Just don't.
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#A No, it looks like a field mouse with an afro.

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Huckleberried

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ajvapes

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nadalama

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MyMagicMist

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#a
I am abbienormal and therefore an expert.
Normal is the currently accepted median behavior and such by a select group of people.
Noirmal is not the same everywhere, not even in the same state.

Lissen to me, I'm the better expert simply because I've been around the bend so far I'd not ever touch sanity with a stick. Folks get papers that certify them as insane. I ate my papers, they tasted yummy with juice from a can marked turpentine.

A: Normal is going to a supermarket grocery and walking down what is usually aisle 8 or 11, you find in tin cans that resemble our mods,
tiny little fish crammed tight in the can. This is normal because everybody agrees these fish come out of the seas & oceans. What very few realize is these fish are grown into their tin cans in schools of twelve. It is a process much akin the one used to raise veal & if we look around we see that we too are in some farm's fishbowl. This is normal we're told.
 

MyMagicMist

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I am an expert because I have been where we're going, and so have you.

A:' We're going exactly where you think we are, and that smell is our singed eyebrows.

Commentary upon the Answer here.

I cannot go back there. They kicked me out for taking over and selling ice water at 3000% mark up. The other place doesn't want me either. They got this strange rule. "No taking pie wearing a President Jimmy Carter mask, it frightens aunt B."
 

MyMagicMist

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Pfftttt, I already said that!
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Indeed, I can cobble me a pie real good.

Can you cobble shoes as well? I need a new pair of regulation navy boon dockers & a pair of crepe gummed sole moccasins with leggings up to the knee, preferably suede deer leather.
 
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MyMagicMist

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Sorry to hear, here... have a cobbled pie:

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Raspberry pie, yummy. I need to find a mulberry tree that's not been sprayed or had environmental shifting of any DuPont chemicals hit it. "Chemicals for better living", sure if you happen to be a mutated cannibalistic zombie from the planet Creolyn in the Lampshade galaxy. Might make some mulberry pie then if such a tree is found. Yeah, I know ... "keep dreaming, Alice. Wonderland is just around the corner."
 

Letitia9

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Raspberry pie, yummy. I need to find a mulberry tree that's not been sprayed or had environmental shifting of any DuPont chemicals hit it. "Chemicals for better living", sure if you happen to be a mutated cannibalistic zombie from the planet Creolyn in the Lampshade galaxy. Might make some mulberry pie then if such a tree is found. Yeah, I know ... "keep dreaming, Alice. Wonderland is just around the corner."
We have more than a few mulberry trees in our neighborhood. Two of them are in my yard unfortunately, cats and dog leave berry footprints on the sidewalk several weeks each year.
 

BobsHere

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Soy milk. There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice, but they couldn't sell soy juice because any time you say soy juice, you actually start to gag. ... We all know there is no soy milk because there is no soy titty, is there?
 

Anibird

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I'm an expert because I just am.

A# They call it milk because they were unimaginative and ignorant and couldn't think of anything else to call it that people would actually drink. *See reply before this one for an example*
 

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