ARGH!

[Khassy]

I'm getting real tired of constantly trying to explain to my demented MIL the difference between smoking and vaping and why she can't do it in the house. She's pissed again because she was standing inside the back door with her burning cigarette, talking to me. When I reminded her she can't smoke in the house, "Why not? You do." "I'm not smoking. This isn't the same, nothing is burning, it's like a humidifier." "Oh, bullshit." Then she walked back outside, walked in another door and started angrily crying "I'm going to start packing." "For what?" "TO MOVE!"

In 5 minutes, she'll forget what she was angry about, what she was doing and will sit back on the sofa and watch TV with me.

I only wish she could move. This is getting real tiring and frustrating. *sigh*

Sorry, just needed to vent a bit.

 

[Whiskey]

We have the same problem with my MIL when she comes to visit, before they sold their house , she used to stand in her kitchen near the oven fan and smoke cigarettes, she comes to our place and goes to the kitchen and turns on the fan by our oven and proceeds to start lighting up.
I walk in there and ask her to please go outside on the porch to smoke and she whipped around and says "why, you don't" I tell her I vape , I don't smoke and she said, "well that is no different than smoking" Even though I have explained it to her multiple times and even given her multiple set ups to try.
She tries them for a few minutes and says "This isn't like a cigarette" to which I reply .... Yes my point exactly, it's NOT smoking, stubborn and set in her ways, this always happens when she visits.

 

[Dead Gummy Worm]

Put a tent in the back yard. Say if you want to smoke indoors you can live in the tent

Then hand a shovel and say you can take care of business in the hole you dig

 

[AndriaD]

You guys make me glad as hell that my in-laws were dead before I ever married their son.

My mom was a smoker, but had quit about 10 yrs before I discovered vaping; when my stepfather would whine about the "smoke", she was the FIRST one to pipe up with "It's NOT smoke, Phil, it's VAPOR, and she can do that in the house." She never quite believed me that all the scare stories about it were financially-motivated lies, she always said "We'll see," but she was very clear on the difference, and how different it smelled.

Andria

 

[Khassy]

We tried to get her to switch to vaping, and even keep reminding her that she can still do it if she wants and she can do it in the house. "It's not the same." No, it's not. But her demented mind keeps forgetting and has difficulty understanding the concept in the first place, so this is not just a daily thing but happens multiple times a day.

Unfortunately, I don't even have an inhaler anymore because her friend asked if she could have mine as she lost hers and can't get another one for a month. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow so should be able to get one then but it doesn't do me any good NOW when she smokes in the house. Sometimes, we're absolutely convinced that she does it on purpose.

 

[Whiskey]

Put a tent in the back yard. Say if you want to smoke indoors you can live in the tent

Then hand a shovel and say you can take care of business in the hole you dig

Sad but true, Stubborn and selfish with a deaf ear

 

[Whiskey]

We tried to get her to switch to vaping, and even keep reminding her that she can still do it if she wants and she can do it in the house. "It's not the same." No, it's not. But her demented mind keeps forgetting and has difficulty understanding the concept in the first place, so this is not just a daily thing but happens multiple times a day.

Unfortunately, I don't even have an inhaler anymore because her friend asked if she could have mine as she lost hers and can't get another one for a month. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow so should be able to get one then but it doesn't do me any good NOW when she smokes in the house. Sometimes, we're absolutely convinced that she does it on purpose.

Dementia or not, remind her that if she was living in a nursing home, she would loose that game period, no matter how many times a day she tried to pull that.

 

[AndriaD]

We tried to get her to switch to vaping, and even keep reminding her that she can still do it if she wants and she can do it in the house. "It's not the same." No, it's not. But her demented mind keeps forgetting and has difficulty understanding the concept in the first place, so this is not just a daily thing but happens multiple times a day.

Unfortunately, I don't even have an inhaler anymore because her friend asked if she could have mine as she lost hers and can't get another one for a month. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow so should be able to get one then but it doesn't do me any good NOW when she smokes in the house. Sometimes, we're absolutely convinced that she does it on purpose.

Damn! Why on earth would you give away your inhaler??? That's like giving away your air! I'm a very generous person, I give people all sorts of things... but my Ventolin will NEVER be one of them. I'm sorry, but that is how I KEEP BREATHING, and is NOT negotiable. If someone else loses theirs... THEIR problem.

Andria

 

[Khassy]

Well, she's gone. Run away from home. She did pack her bags but they're still in her room. She refused to take her noon medicine, said I was being a bitch to her by telling her what she can and can't do, and left. Hopefully, she has her phone in her bag. She has no clue how to use it but it does have her name, our address and our contact numbers on the back so if someone finds her and they find the phone, they can get her home. I called my husband and he's on his way home but he works over an hour away so it'll be awhile. She says she's not coming back until she knows he's here, so he can take her to rent a place somewhere else. Which, of course, he won't do.

He says he's done trying to deal with her, that he's not going to allow dealing with her to hurt his family. And he's worried about the stress that it's been on me dealing with her every day, because stress makes my fibro a whole lot worse. His brothers and sister decided that it was best if she lives with us because we're in the town she's used to, but he's reached his breaking point and is going to tell them either she goes to live with one of them permanently or at least until they can get her into a facility somewhere. Where she'll be a whole lot worse off because they'll take all of her social security as fees and give her an allowance of like $100 per month. She really has no idea how well off she has it here, but there's no convincing her of it when she's like this. When she's "normal," she's great to be around. But her anger bouts are happening more and more and anything can set her off.

*sigh* I feel like such a failure, even though my husband keeps telling me that I've done nothing wrong and it's not my fault. I just feel like I should be able to do something about it, but I'm not sure what.

Edit: She does have her phone and is headed to the cafe up the street where she often eats when the weather is warmer. So at least we can track her. With any luck, in half an hour, she'll have forgotten all about it and will come home in a good mood. That's what usually happens when she goes on walkabout all pissed off.

Thanks for being here for me, guys. I really do appreciate it!

 

[Khassy]

Damn! Why on earth would you give away your inhaler??? That's like giving away your air! I'm a very generous person, I give people all sorts of things... but my Ventolin will NEVER be one of them. I'm sorry, but that is how I KEEP BREATHING, and is NOT negotiable. If someone else loses theirs... THEIR problem.

Andria

Well, she's old and has more problems breathing than I do. I usually only need it on occasion - when my MIL smokes in the house. Go figure.

 

[AndriaD]

Well, she's old and has more problems breathing than I do. I usually only need it on occasion - when my MIL smokes in the house. Go figure.

I would have instructed her to go to the emergency room! NOT MY PROBLEM! I can be all kinds of generous with everything I own... EXCEPT my ability to keep breathing; that's where I draw the line.

Andria

 

[Whiskey]

Well, she's gone. Run away from home. She did pack her bags but they're still in her room. She refused to take her noon medicine, said I was being a bitch to her by telling her what she can and can't do, and left. Hopefully, she has her phone in her bag. She has no clue how to use it but it does have her name, our address and our contact numbers on the back so if someone finds her and they find the phone, they can get her home. I called my husband and he's on his way home but he works over an hour away so it'll be awhile. She says she's not coming back until she knows he's here, so he can take her to rent a place somewhere else. Which, of course, he won't do.

He says he's done trying to deal with her, that he's not going to allow dealing with her to hurt his family. And he's worried about the stress that it's been on me dealing with her every day, because stress makes my fibro a whole lot worse. His brothers and sister decided that it was best if she lives with us because we're in the town she's used to, but he's reached his breaking point and is going to tell them either she goes to live with one of them permanently or at least until they can get her into a facility somewhere. Where she'll be a whole lot worse off because they'll take all of her social security as fees and give her an allowance of like $100 per month. She really has no idea how well off she has it here, but there's no convincing her of it when she's like this. When she's "normal," she's great to be around. But her anger bouts are happening more and more and anything can set her off.

*sigh* I feel like such a failure, even though my husband keeps telling me that I've done nothing wrong and it's not my fault. I just feel like I should be able to do something about it, but I'm not sure what.

Edit: She does have her phone and is headed to the cafe up the street where she often eats when the weather is warmer. So at least we can track her. With any luck, in half an hour, she'll have forgotten all about it and will come home in a good mood. That's what usually happens when she goes on walkabout all pissed off.

Thanks for being here for me, guys. I really do appreciate it!

Don't feel like a failure, I have 2 family households here, that are dealing with the same issues, if anything you tried your best to keep her from having to let a facility take over her care, she just has refused to realize how good she has it to stay living with a family member.

 

[AndriaD]

Don't feel like a failure, I have 2 family households here, that are dealing with the same issues, if anything you tried your best to keep her from having to let a facility take over her care, she just has refused to realize how good she has it to stay living with a family member.

I really think that was a very large part of my mom just giving up her will to live; she had gotten to the point where she was going to need round the clock care, and my stepfather isn't capable, he has his own very serious health issues... and my mom was the quintessential square peg; she could never have put up with nor survived permanently living in a nursing home. So she just quit. I think to her, death was preferable than having to give up living in her own home. Can't say I really blame her, considering how most nursing staff acts.

Andria

 

[Khassy]

My husband's biggest fear is that she'll go to a neighbor's house and ask them to call the police because we're abusing her. With her faulty memory, there's no telling what she believes anymore. She constantly thinks we're stealing from her, even though we show her where the stuff is that she thinks we took.

I really think that was a very large part of my mom just giving up her will to live; she had gotten to the point where she was going to need round the clock care, and my stepfather isn't capable, he has his own very serious health issues... and my mom was the quintessential square peg; she could never have put up with nor survived permanently living in a nursing home. So she just quit. I think to her, death was preferable than having to give up living in her own home. Can't say I really blame her, considering how most nursing staff acts.

My older son works at an elder care facility. He loves it but says there's no way he could ever take care of her there, and she would hate it. I just wish she'd realize that. I mean I know it's not her fault, she had several series of mini-strokes which has caused or exacerbated her dementia, but it doesn't make it much easier to deal with.

 

[Whiskey]

Also sad is the kind that many seniors are able to afford, are not the greatest when it comes to the staff in most cases.
However if money isn't an issue there are some privately owned facilities that would blow your mind.

 

[Khassy]

Also sad is the kind that many seniors are able to afford, are not the greatest when it comes to the staff in most cases.
However if money isn't an issue there are some privately owned facilities that would blow your mind.

Unfortunately, money is an issue. All she has is her social security of $1,200/mo. She has no other retirement or pension, nothing from her husband's death.

 

[Whiskey]

My husband's biggest fear is that she'll go to a neighbor's house and ask them to call the police because we're abusing her. With her faulty memory, there's no telling what she believes anymore. She constantly thinks we're stealing from her, even though we show her where the stuff is that she thinks we took.

If there is a fear of that, I'd DEF document everything as well as reporting to the police every time she takes a joy walk. Documenting things and having a mediator involved will help not put you at risk for false accusations

 

[Khassy]

She just got back and is happy as can be. "I had a nice walk. Walked up the street, had a soda, sat down for awhile then came home." I'm sure she'll get upset again when she goes into her bedroom and sees her luggage packed.

 

[Whiskey]

If she gets in a tizzy again, remind her that she is also subjecting you and hubby to 2nd hand smoke

 

[AndriaD]

If she gets in a tizzy again, remind her that she is also subjecting you and hubby to 2nd hand smoke

She'll just say "so are you!" about Khassy's vapor.

Andria

 

[SnapDragon NY]

Hi Khassy- sorry you are going through this with your MIL! You need to get in touch with Elder Care services in your area- they will help you and tell you what you need to do. Actually her not having money makes it easier for her to go to a Assisted Facility through Medicaid. She needs proper help that you and your family are not trained to do. It is not up to you to have to take care of her, and her mental problems will get worse.

 

[AndriaD]

And here we have a real tragedy: this woman sometimes doesn't who she is, or why she's there, or why any of this... but, oh, she remembers to SMOKE!!!!!!

Somebody needs to do some research on the sticking power of the smoking addiction, how it remains even when every other thought or memory is gone.

Andria

 

[SnapDragon NY]

If there is a fear of that, I'd DEF document everything as well as reporting to the police every time she takes a joy walk. Documenting things and having a mediator involved will help not put you at risk for false accusations

You are so right Whiskey-
I would have called the police and tell them you fear for her safety and her mental state! They will have her admitted to a hospital and then proper decisions can be made!

 

[Khassy]

Hi Khassy- sorry you are going through this with your MIL! You need to get in touch with Elder Care services in your area- they will help you and tell you what you need to do. Actually her not having money makes it easier for her to go to a Assisted Facility through Medicaid. She needs proper help that you and your family are not trained to do. It is not up to you to have to take care of her, and her mental problems will get worse.

That's the next step. I've looked up our local resource and given it to my husband. He's sending it to his sibs. He also had me take pictures of her room and how she packed her shit up to send to them and tell them what's going on.

And here we have a real tragedy: this woman sometimes doesn't who she is, or why she's there, or why any of this... but, oh, she remembers to SMOKE!!!!!!

Somebody needs to do some research on the sticking power of the smoking addiction, how it remains even when every other thought or memory is gone.

Andria

The REALLY bad thing? She doesn't remember how much she's smoking, which is why she's convinced "someone" (she means my younger son) is stealing her cigarettes. She refuses to accept that he can't smoke because he has asthma. "Suuuure, that you know of." When the weather permits, she'll sit outside on the front step for up to 2 hours, constantly smoking, but insists she was only out there for a short time and that she only smoked one or two cigs.

 

[SnapDragon NY]

Well, she's gone. Run away from home. She did pack her bags but they're still in her room. She refused to take her noon medicine, said I was being a bitch to her by telling her what she can and can't do, and left. Hopefully, she has her phone in her bag. She has no clue how to use it but it does have her name, our address and our contact numbers on the back so if someone finds her and they find the phone, they can get her home. I called my husband and he's on his way home but he works over an hour away so it'll be awhile. She says she's not coming back until she knows he's here, so he can take her to rent a place somewhere else. Which, of course, he won't do.

He says he's done trying to deal with her, that he's not going to allow dealing with her to hurt his family. And he's worried about the stress that it's been on me dealing with her every day, because stress makes my fibro a whole lot worse. His brothers and sister decided that it was best if she lives with us because we're in the town she's used to, but he's reached his breaking point and is going to tell them either she goes to live with one of them permanently or at least until they can get her into a facility somewhere. Where she'll be a whole lot worse off because they'll take all of her social security as fees and give her an allowance of like $100 per month. She really has no idea how well off she has it here, but there's no convincing her of it when she's like this. When she's "normal," she's great to be around. But her anger bouts are happening more and more and anything can set her off.

*sigh* I feel like such a failure, even though my husband keeps telling me that I've done nothing wrong and it's not my fault. I just feel like I should be able to do something about it, but I'm not sure what.

Edit: She does have her phone and is headed to the cafe up the street where she often eats when the weather is warmer. So at least we can track her. With any luck, in half an hour, she'll have forgotten all about it and will come home in a good mood. That's what usually happens when she goes on walkabout all pissed off.

Thanks for being here for me, guys. I really do appreciate it!

So sorry- but I would call the police, tell them about her mental heath and that you are scared for her safety, she is not rational- maybe that will put a scare in her- or at least start the ball rolling for other accomodations ?

 

[Khassy]

She went into her room and saw her bags. She asked my husband if she was going somewhere. He told her no, she packed them so she could run away. She asked if she had gotten mad. Didn't remember anything that had happened. Which is both good and bad.

Wheeee!

 

[Whiskey]

Or acting

 

[AndriaD]

The REALLY bad thing? She doesn't remember how much she's smoking, which is why she's convinced "someone" (she means my younger son) is stealing her cigarettes. She refuses to accept that he can't smoke because he has asthma. "Suuuure, that you know of." When the weather permits, she'll sit outside on the front step for up to 2 hours, constantly smoking, but insists she was only out there for a short time and that she only smoked one or two cigs.

It sounds like not only can she not remember things, but she has become evil-minded, blaming her own grandchildren for "stealing" -- it really is time to get her out of your home, because if she is THAT evil-minded, there is just no telling WHAT she might do.

I had no idea that Alzheimers would erode even one's internal morality.

Andria

 

[Whiskey]

It sounds like not only can she not remember things, but she has become evil-minded, blaming her own grandchildren for "stealing" -- it really is time to get her out of your home, because if she is THAT evil-minded, there is just no telling WHAT she might do.

I had no idea that Alzheimers would erode even one's internal morality.

Andria

It gets sticky....with a hubby and his siblings involved.....most of which are not there through out the days with her and don't see the behavior first hand, that can cause mixed feelings and often blame to the one who is caring for her everyday, which is why documenting things can be a very important tool when faced with this. There no doubt will always be reluctance to have her put in a facility that can handle this better.

 

[Khassy]

It sounds like not only can she not remember things, but she has become evil-minded, blaming her own grandchildren for "stealing" -- it really is time to get her out of your home, because if she is THAT evil-minded, there is just no telling WHAT she might do.

I had no idea that Alzheimers would erode even one's internal morality.

Andria

She has dementia but not Alzheimers. There's a difference, though most people think they're interchangeable. Alzheimers is a type of dementia but not all those with dementia have alzheimers.

She usually doesn't remember that my sons are her grandkids. She often isn't aware of who I am. She often thinks my husband is her grandson, but tends to call her by her husband's name. She knows I'm married to him but doesn't know what that means much of the time. She knows she used to live in another house but also thinks this is her house, that she paid for it not us. Her mind works strangely now.

 

[AndriaD]

It gets sticky....with a hubby and his siblings involved.....most of which are not there through out the days with her and don't see the behavior first hand, that can cause mixed feelings and often blame to the one who is caring for her everyday, which is why documenting things can be a very important tool when faced with this. There no doubt will always be reluctance to have her put in a facility that can handle this better.

Oh, I know; when my grandmother became unable to live safely by herself, my aunt fought it tooth and nail... but it really came down to, are you willing to live with her, and be at her side 24/7? My aunt wasn't yet retired then, so it was impossible, and even she had to accept that. Someone who turns on the stove or oven and then wanders off and forgets all about it, CANNOT live alone.

Andria

 

[AndriaD]

She has dementia but not Alzheimers. There's a difference, though most people think they're interchangeable. Alzheimers is a type of dementia but not all those with dementia have alzheimers.

She usually doesn't remember that my sons are her grandkids. She often isn't aware of who I am. She often thinks my husband is her grandson, but tends to call her by her husband's name. She knows I'm married to him but doesn't know what that means much of the time. She knows she used to live in another house but also thinks this is her house, that she paid for it not us. Her mind works strangely now.

Ah. I had the impression that she was younger, for some reason, and younger-age dementia is usually Alzheimers -- one of my grandmothers had senile dementia, and the other had Alzheimers; the senile dementia onset was at about age 81, and she lived till she was 95, but my other grandmother started with Alzheimers in her late 60s, and barely made it to 85.

The grandmother with the senile dementia helped raised me, and even decades before the true onset of dementia, she had a lot of memory issues; I look like my aunt (Betty), who is 9 yrs older than my mom (Joan), who I also slightly resemble. For many, many years, she called me Betty-Joan-Jill (the latter being my middle name which I went by until I was 24, but my family still calls me).

Andria

 

[Khassy]

Ah. I had the impression that she was younger, for some reason, and younger-age dementia is usually Alzheimers -- one of my grandmothers had senile dementia, and the other had Alzheimers; the senile dementia onset was at about age 81, and she lived till she was 95, but my other grandmother started with Alzheimers in her late 60s, and barely made it to 85.

The grandmother with the senile dementia helped raised me, and even decades before the true onset of dementia, she had a lot of memory issues; I look like my aunt (Betty), who is 9 yrs older than my mom (Joan), who I also slightly resemble. For many, many years, she called me Betty-Joan-Jill (the latter being my middle name which I went by until I was 24, but my family still calls me).

Andria

She's 87. A couple of years ago, she had a series of micro-strokes while they were traveling in Mexico so she didn't get treatment right away. Then after she got back, she had a few more. They're what caused her dementia, or so her doctor tells us. She was in a rehab center for a few months after they got back and had just gotten well enough to go home when my father-in-law died. He'd been concentrating so much on taking care of her that the cancer he'd had for a few years, and was pretty well in control when he left, went out of control. That's how she ended up with us.

It gets sticky....with a hubby and his siblings involved.....most of which are not there through out the days with her and don't see the behavior first hand, that can cause mixed feelings and often blame to the one who is caring for her everyday, which is why documenting things can be a very important tool when faced with this. There no doubt will always be reluctance to have her put in a facility that can handle this better.

You got it exactly right. They haven't seen how bad she is on a daily basis and have never seen one of anger bouts. A couple of times a year she goes to visit my brother-in-law in Iowa for a week or two, and she's been down to visit her daughter in Florida for three weeks, but that's all the exposure they've had to her. When she's on vacation, surrounded by a lot of people and is busy doing things, she's not nearly as bad. So they haven't seen what we see.

 

[SnapDragon NY]

It sounds like not only can she not remember things, but she has become evil-minded, blaming her own grandchildren for "stealing" -- it really is time to get her out of your home, because if she is THAT evil-minded, there is just no telling WHAT she might do.

I had no idea that Alzheimers would erode even one's internal morality.

Andria

That is the hard part of understanding dementia-
it's not done as evil- they are not acting this way on purpose- there is no internal morality or ill intent.
Their brain doesn't function correctly any more, or there is occasional lucid moments, which make it even harder to deal with.
It is easy to see someone in a wheel chair that can't walk- it is not done on purpose- much harder to understand someone with a broken brain that it is not on purpose, or that they know better, those wires get crossed and very frustrating for the person and the family.

 

[AndriaD]

That is the hard part of understanding dementia-
it's not done as evil- they are not acting this way on purpose- there is no internal morality or ill intent.
Their brain doesn't function correctly any more, or there is occasional lucid moments, which make it even harder to deal with.
It is easy to see someone in a wheel chair that can't walk- it is not done on purpose- much harder to understand someone with a broken brain that it is not on purpose, or that they know better, those wires get crossed and very frustrating for the person and the family.

Well, I get that.. but that doesn't make her less dangerous, simply because her brain is "broken." Serial killers' brains are broken too.

Andria

 

[Khassy]

This is me today, minus the career thing.

 

[Whiskey]

This is me today, minus the career thing.

Welcome to my world too

 

[Khassy]

Are you like me?

 

[Whiskey]

Yep

 

[AndriaD]

Career, social life, and exercise... Pft. All 3 can kiss my ass. I just try to get thru the days without tears, and keep breathing.

Andria

 

[Khassy]

On a brighter note, it seems my sister-in-law has seen some of the issues, especially about the smoking in the house thing. When she was visiting them down in Florida, she was smoking in the house. When they told her she couldn't because my brother-in-law has breathing problems, she got really mad. She doesn't like being told what to do and what not to do. They also noticed she has problems with just how much she smokes, too. Doesn't think she smokes as much as she does. They want us to look into an adult daycare here which, if we can find one, would probably help a great deal. It would get her out of the house and give her something to do. Hopefully, we can find something.

I'm really not as bitchy as it seems from all my posts. I'm usually pretty easy-going and fairly happy with life overall.

 

[AndriaD]

On a brighter note, it seems my sister-in-law has seen some of the issues, especially about the smoking in the house thing. When she was visiting them down in Florida, she was smoking in the house. When they told her she couldn't because my brother-in-law has breathing problems, she got really mad. She doesn't like being told what to do and what not to do. They also noticed she has problems with just how much she smokes, too. Doesn't think she smokes as much as she does. They want us to look into an adult daycare here which, if we can find one, would probably help a great deal. It would get her out of the house and give her something to do. Hopefully, we can find something.

I'm really not as bitchy as it seems from all my posts. I'm usually pretty easy-going and fairly happy with life overall.

I don't think you're bitchy at all. I'm impressed that you haven't throttled her... yet.

Andria

 

[AndriaD]

Are y'all familiar with Denis Leary's rant about smoking? "I smoke 5 pks a day! I smoke 3 at a time!" etc.... that was me. If anyone had the temerity to ask me when I was going to quit smoking... "NEVER!!!!!!!! WHEN THEY WHEEL ME INTO THE INCINERATOR, PUT A CIGARETTE BETWEEN MY LIPS SO I CAN HAVE ONE LAST SMOKE ON THE WAY OUT!"

Andria

 

[Khassy]

Are y'all familiar with Denis Leary's rant about smoking? "I smoke 5 pks a day! I smoke 3 at a time!" etc.... that was me. If anyone had the temerity to ask me when I was going to quit smoking... "NEVER!!!!!!!! WHEN THEY WHEEL ME INTO THE INCINERATOR, PUT A CIGARETTE BETWEEN MY LIPS SO I CAN HAVE ONE LAST SMOKE ON THE WAY OUT!"

Andria

My father-in-law's brother was like that. He had an oxygen tank with the tubes up his nose and still smoked. That wasn't what killed him, though. His heart gave out, probably because he weighed like 3000 pounds.

 

[AndriaD]

My father-in-law's brother was like that. He had an oxygen tank with the tubes up his nose and still smoked. That wasn't what killed him, though. His heart gave out, probably because he weighed like 3000 pounds.

That's why I always say that NO ONE was more surprised than I, that vaping actually allowed me to quit without suffering massive psychosis... except for maybe my husband. Not only did *I* not have to suffer.... he didn't have to suffer ME. So, though I can CERTAINLY understand your displeasure and discomfort when she smokes in the house.... I can empathize with her as well. I get more and more angry about all the shit that BT puts into tobacco to MAKE it as addictive as possible, when a woman who doesn't even know who or where or why she is, hasn't forgotten to smoke. That's just plain evil.

Andria

 

[SnapDragon NY]

Just a thought- what if you got her a cigalike like the Mistic or Juul? Not to get her to quit smoking but so she could vape in the house like you do?
Also this would be tough, but maybe you need to go outside and vape, go out on smoke breaks with her, as set an example see I go outside too!
How does she get cigarettes? Do you have a store close enough, does she drive?
When I worked at the Nursing Home, we kept all the lighters and matches- they had to come to us to get a light, that way they were outside or in a smoking area when WE lit their cigarette.
Yes check out Elder services in your area- many are cheap or free. They can help all of you cope.

 

[Khassy]

Just a thought- what if you got her a cigalike like the Mistic or Juul? Not to get her to quit smoking but so she could vape in the house like you do?
Also this would be tough, but maybe you need to go outside and vape, go out on smoke breaks with her, as set an example see I go outside too!
How does she get cigarettes? Do you have a store close enough, does she drive?
When I worked at the Nursing Home, we kept all the lighters and matches- they had to come to us to get a light, that way they were outside or in a smoking area when WE lit their cigarette.
Yes check out Elder services in your area- many are cheap or free. They can help all of you cope.

She's tried and doesn't like ecigs. "They're not the same." No, that's the point. lol I can't get up and go out whenever I want to vape. I physically can't do it. And there's no way I can take smoke breaks with her. The whole reason she can't smoke in the house is because it fucks up my asthma.

She gets her cigarettes from the store - either has my husband drive her when he gets home or walks to it when the weather permits. It's not too far and she likes the walk.

 

[AndriaD]

She's tried and doesn't like ecigs. "They're not the same." No, that's the point. lol I can't get up and go out whenever I want to vape. I physically can't do it. And there's no way I can take smoke breaks with her. The whole reason she can't smoke in the house is because it fucks up my asthma.

She gets her cigarettes from the store - either has my husband drive her when he gets home or walks to it when the weather permits. It's not too far and she likes the walk.

It really does sound like she's reached a point where she's just not suitable to live in your home; even if she's "broken" and not just rude, your physical needs, IN YOUR OWN HOME, absolutely trump her petty quibbling, regardless of the reason for the petty quibbling. She's simply not capable of remaining there and being amenable to the requirements for remaining there. Your health should not have to suffer simply because her brain is broken.

Andria

 

[Khassy]

It really does sound like she's reached a point where she's just not suitable to live in your home; even if she's "broken" and not just rude, your physical needs, IN YOUR OWN HOME, absolutely trump her petty quibbling, regardless of the reason for the petty quibbling. She's simply not capable of remaining there and being amenable to the requirements for remaining there. Your health should not have to suffer simply because her brain is broken.

Andria

That's exactly why my husband is pushing to have her rehomed with either one of his sibs or in a facility. The stress is really hell on my fibro, and I've been having more bad days physically than good. Some days, I can hardly get up to pee, but I still have to cook for her, make sure she's taking her meds on time, doesn't wander away, etc. She can still dress herself and take care of her personal needs but everything else needs to either be supervised or done for her. She can't be in the kitchen alone to even make toast or a microwave dinner because she confuses the microwave with the toaster oven and can't figure out how to use either one correctly. I don't mind most of the time, and my younger son helps out when he can, but it really is a struggle physically some days.

 

[Khassy]

This is a multiple times a day conversation.

Her: why does it seem like I'm the only one that changes the toilet paper roll?
Us: because you change it early and we use the whole roll.

(This is her idea of a used up roll. There's like a third of the roll left.)