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ECF Refugee Thread All welcome

AndriaD

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Ahh he wants a much more aggressive atty than I have ever tried it seems.
They make rebuildable mesh attys but i am not familiar with any of them. Except that apparently if not VERY properly wicked they can give a dry hit from hell.

Yeah, I dunno if he's patient enough to figure out how to rebuild a mesh atty (his lack of patience is one reason he prefers the "screw in" heads), and there's no way in hell I can advise him on that, since I've never learned it myself. He can deal with 26ga wire, so a dual-coil super-open RTA is probably the best bet. I don't like dual-coil attys myself, they're not at all suitable for the tight-draw I require since they do produce more heat, but I do at least completely grok building ordinary coils, no matter their wire gauge.

Not sure he likes an "aggressive" atty, since for the super-open airflow he likes, he does vape at fairly low wattage... but he doesn't want to feel ANY of the resistance in the draw that I require so much of -- if he ever tastes my vape, aside from coughing because of the 86% PG, he says it's like trying to suck a golfball thru a coffee stirrer. :giggle:

Andria
 

AndriaD

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Who changed the name? Except political?
Anyway hey yooze guys. Work has me busy.
Love y'all

Hey Atcha -- been missing you! And all the other goofballs in this thread. Glad I took the time to get it going again; we all need some crazy fuggers in our lives. :D

GFY all y'all!

Andria
 

The Cromwell

I am a BOT
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I like the OG merlin Atty. It is my cloudy atty.
Single coil but nice clouds and you can build for moderately high wattage.
Unfortunately I took a look and they do not appear to be available any more.
I think there is also a dual coil serpent atty out there?
 

JuicyLucy

My name is Lucy and I am a squonkaholic
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Man, when you are moving far away after living in the same place for over 20 years you have to go over everything you own with a fine tooth comb - and boy do you run across some memories

This one brought a tear to my eye

Anyone who is a boxing fan has at least heard of this guy - he was a good friend of ours for many years

JM.jpg
 

The Cromwell

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Well.. I don't wanna get crossways with Cromwell over politics in this thread, he's an alien you know. ;) So let me just say that I more or less agree with all that, but I think it's best to be independent of whatever the idiots in gov't do -- hope for the best, prepare for the worst, has always been my motto and SOP. That's why we have 3½ liters of nic in the freezer (and will be getting more, as freezer space opens up), and I don't want my well-beloved spawn going back to smoking just because he can't find something to vape that he really likes.

Andria
As a vape prepper myself I agree.
And as an alien I am not comfortable with politics.
 

AndriaD

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As a vape prepper myself I agree.
And as an alien I am not comfortable with politics.

I've always hated politics and until recently, avoided it like THE PLAGUE. It's unfortunate that I've gotten sucked into some of it, thx to all the idiocy regarding vaping -- which is all either politics or all about the money. My own government SICKENS me.

I'll continue to be a vape prepper until someone in government demonstrates that they have one or two functional brain cells.

It's kinda funny, someone in here recommended the Fatality RTA for my son... and I just read of a serious SNAFU that Mykreign had yesterday with his. I think I'll give that one a miss. Like me, my son considers the ability to NOT LEAK the absolute bottom-line of ANY atomizer.

Andria
 

AndriaD

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BTW, y'all... has puffin eliquids gone out of business? My quit-smoking banner hasn't worked in a week or more.

Andria
 

snake94115

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Guess I have to reawaken this thread, since I'm apparently not welcome anywhere else on this forum. Can't believe this thread got NO posts all thru may! Horrors!

I need some advice on easily rebuildable RTAs, with massive airflow, for my son.

Andria
I seem to remember you feeling this way before and I guess I have to remind you of what I said back then.
"Don't let the turkeys get you down!"
 

AndriaD

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I seem to remember you feeling this way before and I guess I have to remind you of what I said back then.
"Don't let the turkeys get you down!"

It's pretty much the story of my whole life. Never been popular or really wanted anywhere (and not really terribly concerned about that; I'm quite content as a hermit most of the time), and just when I think that maybe some place or other might actually tolerate me, I get disabused of that notion pretty quickly. I'm at the very least a real "refugee" from the asshole fascists at ECF, so I figger I always have a place in this thread, whether I'm really wanted or not. At least I'm usually tolerated here, no matter my general weirdness -- I think I'm in pretty good company here, in that regard. :crazy:

Andria
 

The Cromwell

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:hug:

Lots of weirdness around here no need to feel like the lone ranger.
Sent from my personal confuser from another side dimension.
 

MyMagicMist

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It's unfortunate that I've gotten sucked into some of it, thx to all the idiocy regarding vaping -- which is all either politics or all about the money. My own government SICKENS me.

It is both politics & money. Dislike hearing you sickened, at the same time am glad you are too. It means you actually give a shit. Might be hope for mortals yet. :)

BTW, y'all... has puffin eliquids gone out of business?


From the below, it would appear puffin e-liquids is out of business, yes. PrivateMonster.com appears as a domain seller / reseller. I would finger that Domainbox.com is as well.

Code:
$whois PUFFIN-E-LIQUIDS.COM

Domain Name: PUFFIN-E-LIQUIDS.COM
Registry Domain ID: 2127771941_DOMAIN_COM-VRSN
Registrar WHOIS Server: whois.meshdigital.com
Registrar URL: http://www.domainbox.com
Updated Date: 2019-05-22T00:00:00Z
Creation Date: 2017-05-25T00:00:00Z
Registrar Registration Expiration Date: 2020-05-25T00:00:00Z
Registrar: MESH DIGITAL LIMITED
Registrar IANA ID: 1390
Registrar Abuse Contact Email: [email protected]
Registrar Abuse Contact Phone: +1.8779770099
Reseller: Domainmonster.com
Domain Status: clientDeleteProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientDeleteProhibited
Domain Status: clientUpdateProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientUpdateProhibited
Domain Status: clientTransferProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientTransferProhibited
Registry Registrant ID:
Registrant Name: Domainmonster.com Privacy Service
Registrant Organization: Identity Protect Limited
Registrant Street: PO Box 786
Registrant City: Hayes
Registrant State/Province: Middlesex
Registrant Postal Code: UB3 9TR
Registrant Country: GB
Registrant Phone: +44.1483307527
Registrant Phone Ext:
Registrant Fax: +44.1483304031
Registrant Fax Ext:
Registrant Email: [email protected]
Registry Admin ID:
Admin Name: Domainmonster.com Privacy Service
Admin Organization: Identity Protect Limited
Admin Street: PO Box 786
Admin City: Hayes
Admin State/Province: Middlesex
Admin Postal Code: UB3 9TR
Admin Country: GB
Admin Phone: +44.1483307527
Admin Phone Ext:
Admin Fax: +44.1483304031
Admin Fax Ext:
Admin Email: [email protected]
Registry Tech ID:
Tech Name: Domainmonster.com Privacy Service
Tech Organization: Identity Protect Limited
Tech Street: PO Box 786
Tech City: Hayes
Tech State/Province: Middlesex
Tech Postal Code: UB3 9TR
Tech Country: GB
Tech Phone: +44.1483307527
Tech Phone Ext:
Tech Fax: +44.1483304031
Tech Fax Ext:
Tech Email: [email protected]
Name Server: ns1.lucidni.co.uk
Name Server: ns2.lucidni.co.uk
DNSSEC: unsigned

I think I'm in pretty good company here, in that regard. :crazy:

Nuttin' butt de finest here fer ya. :D :) :p ;)
 

snake94115

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It's pretty much the story of my whole life. Never been popular or really wanted anywhere (and not really terribly concerned about that; I'm quite content as a hermit most of the time), and just when I think that maybe some place or other might actually tolerate me, I get disabused of that notion pretty quickly. I'm at the very least a real "refugee" from the asshole fascists at ECF, so I figger I always have a place in this thread, whether I'm really wanted or not. At least I'm usually tolerated here, no matter my general weirdness -- I think I'm in pretty good company here, in that regard. :crazy:

Andria
You can sit at my table anytime.Or on my lap if you wish...Cheers!
 

AndriaD

Yes, I DO wear a mask! I'm vaccinated, too!
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From the below, it would appear puffin e-liquids is out of business, yes. PrivateMonster.com appears as a domain seller / reseller. I would finger that Domainbox.com is as well.

Well fucking DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! Now I gotta find another banner.

Andria
 

MyMagicMist

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Well fucking DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! Now I gotta find another banner.

I'm with Sinatra on that but do get the fury of having to go and change shit up. Before my wife come along I would have never given thought to nylon skivies and left my nads to swelter and be aggravated. About a month back we happen to be in that evil place Wally World, she says, "hm, howabout these ones?"

So now, I think I need to change out my view on cotton skivies, and be ready to wear nylon ones because like silk ones they let me breathe in an intimate area and I find that being a good thing. That's probably way too much info but I'm not too concerned. Not like the NSA couldn't have known this already. I'm sure they got a wire into my mind via TEMCo and if they don't they just back door the CIA who does have.

 

AndriaD

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So, the Reddit banner is the only one I can find anymore, which VU will allow to be shown -- for some damn stupid reason, the "Since my last cigarette" banner will not display. Which, I now recall, is precisely why I started using the puffin banner. Dammit.

I couldn't figure out how to use Reddit if somebody paid me, but I knocked shit over in there until I found the damn banner generator.

Andria
 
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AndriaD

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You're not alone. I'm over there just a little under the same handle as here. I usually just look at pretty juice recipes in the /r/DIY_ejuice/ section I think is how it's listed. /r/GooberGrapeVape/ is another I'm going to be watching. Yummy PB & J vape. :)

Cool. I'm always amazed, everytime I go looking for a quit-smoking-time banner, at how many damn insane charlatan "quit smoking" sites there are. Apparently these idiots think if they say "Just quit" loud enough on enough websites, it will actually do something useful, along with other totally useless shit like "set a quit smoking date" and "tell someone you're quitting," along with informing everyone for the 894,395,962nd time how dangerous smoking is... Gee, ya think??? Like they think no one has ever heard that news, or quitting smoking is some kind of magic spell or something. :facepalm:

Andria
 

susieqz

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there are no stratigies to quit smoking that i haven't tried.
only vaping works.it's more trouble than smoking, but i breathe better, taste better.
smell better n have white teeth,
i don't even care about possible risks.
i'm gonna die of cancer like the rest of my family. but i'm having some fun meanwhile.
 

AndriaD

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there are no stratigies to quit smoking that i haven't tried.
only vaping works.it's more trouble than smoking, but i breathe better, taste better.
smell better n have white teeth,
i don't even care about possible risks.
i'm gonna die of cancer like the rest of my family. but i'm having some fun meanwhile.

I'm really hoping it's a massive heart attack that gets me, just WHOMP outta here, instead of that dying by inches shit I saw with my dad (small-cell lung cancer, "smokers' cancer") or my mom (diabetes). Frankly diabetes scares me more than any of that other shit -- first it takes away all your joy in eating/drinking, then your pleasure in living with all the pain and hassle, until it finally makes you WISH for death... but it doesn't come soon enough to spare you much of that pain and distress and fucking hospital stays. Which is just one of my reasons for NEVER stopping the use of nicotine -- I'd like to keep all my marbles until I'm done playing with them, thanks, and then when my heart just can't take anymore... outta here!

If you never go back to smoking, you don't add any more to your cancer risk than what you already incurred. Sure, it might still get you, but at least you've stopped adding to the risk.

I really find vaping far LESS trouble than smoking -- I don't have to spend half my life outdoors, and I don't have to keep running to Walgreens to get more and more poor by wasting money on cigarettes -- I make my own ejuice, I build my own coils, and all the supplies, including the nicotine and flavors and syringes and bottles and batteries and every other damn thing I need for vaping, I can purchase right here at my desk and have delivered to my home. No trouble at all!

Andria
 
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MyMagicMist

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Like they think no one has ever heard that news, or quitting smoking is some kind of magic spell or something. :facepalm:

Well for some folks I reckon it is magic they can quit. Know after 35+/- a few years of tobacco use, smoking, chewing, rubbing I figured I would die using tobacco.

I deforested my gutter today.

Been kind of feeling ashamed to go over and do that at her Pawpaw's house. Last time or two over I've noticed it's started to look a jungle. Not to seem/sound callous but damn it I'm living away from there, it looks like the other SIL could give a shit and help as he and his wife live there with the in laws. But I know better too he nor her do give a shit. If it don't affect or effect them beyond their noses fuck it is their attitude. *smh* To borrow big papaw words, "damn it never saw the like."
 

AndriaD

Yes, I DO wear a mask! I'm vaccinated, too!
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Well for some folks I reckon it is magic they can quit. Know after 35+/- a few years of tobacco use, smoking, chewing, rubbing I figured I would die using tobacco.

For me, it's just one more really excellent reason to be in love with technology -- and now with my smart phone, I don't even have to lug armloads of books to and from the library! Technology finally caught up with my habits -- giving me a non-lethal substitute for one of 'em, and facilitating my other biggest activity (besides vaping!) -- READING!


Been kind of feeling ashamed to go over and do that at her Pawpaw's house. Last time or two over I've noticed it's started to look a jungle. Not to seem/sound callous but damn it I'm living away from there, it looks like the other SIL could give a shit and help as he and his wife live there with the in laws. But I know better too he nor her do give a shit. If it don't affect or effect them beyond their noses fuck it is their attitude. *smh* To borrow big papaw words, "damn it never saw the like."

My mom only had me, and my 1st husband was never popular in my family -- they didn't really care much that he was raised an orthodox Jew, but they definitely found him weird as hell (because he is!), and a total loss as far as anything around the house. I think they like my 2nd (current) husband better than they like(d) me, because he's so damn handy, and willing to do whatever he can to help out.

Andria
 

MyMagicMist

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For me, it's just one more really excellent reason to be in love with technology -- and now with my smart phone, I don't even have to lug armloads of books to and from the library! Technology finally caught up with my habits -- giving me a non-lethal substitute for one of 'em, and facilitating my other biggest activity (besides vaping!) -- READING!

Well, I recall back during the first of the 90's. I had thought some kind of content service would "pick up" poetry and maybe offer say a percentage of revenue based on page views. It took until I would say roughly 2010 or so for anyone to even start imagining anything like that. Now, I'm kind of tapped out as far as content production goes. I think the anhedonia has fucked me over in that regard.

"But you used to love writing, ..." I had hoped it would offer more as far as a possible revenue vehicle. Saw that you still needed to fight "gatekeepers" stuck in some piss ass 17th century model. So I kind of got irked, disillusioned, dismayed and grew to not like writing.

I know that might sound money grubbing and selfish of me. To some degree maybe but damn it, everybody likes earning some fair wage, using their skills and talents to help contribute to family. It isn't as though I got dreams to be Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Sheldon, Lustbader. Hell no, I just want to be me hiding away and churning out stories, poems, hiding behind hundreds or thousands of names and let others handle all "business" of it. Let me get the revenue coming in fairly and let me churn out writing.

But no, not had any luck trying that. It's this whole "gatekeeper" bullshit too. "Well, you have to market and sale, do business, ..." To which I cringe and reply, "fuck you, I got PRODUCT, y'all want that PRODUCT, y'all can at least take business and get it out of my way while I deliver you PRODUCT and keep the press and whatever else away I'm your PRODUCT PRODUCER let me produce for you and you give me say 75-80% and all will go just fine."

Nope, that doesn't come around. And it's not that I lack the know how of the business end. Well, I might not know it all but enough to get by. I just don't care for doing it. I'm not a public relations type. I'm more the "hey wanna go meet a polymath serial killer writer" type. "Be warned he might kill you for interrupting his writing flow, but well YOLO!"

So, I see that technology for all its vaunted helps it offers, also is used to perpetuate that damn system. It pisses me off. Yes, I've tried doing things to jump that wall too. It just does not keep panning out if it even starts panning out. Because by then usually I'm pissed and well there goes me bothering to write because I got to fuck around with PR, business, diplomacy. I'm not a fucking suit.

I apologize for the rant. Kind of been held back a while. It is just so frustrating and then I lose any sense of enjoyment due to that. That's not all of it but a good part maybe. I come up with all kinds of false starts that don't get past "So what?" That's where you ask yourself as a reader, "why do I care about this story to read it?" "Well, erm, ... I don't actually." Then the writer tosses that start of a story. Why write it if it's not going to be read? But that too is even business I guess.

I think they like my 2nd (current) husband better than they like(d) me, because he's so damn handy, and willing to do whatever he can to help out.

I love helping family. Yes, there's a but coming. But up to a point and that point is when you get asked to do it all but let someone else enjoy the benefit. In other terms you get taken advantage of by someone that doesn't care about you and will never offer a hand back. "Oh but we're family," they'll rave if you refuse. *long deep sigh and low growl* Shame they only recall that when they need help.

Granted me and wife never ask for help. We shouldn't need to ask if it was actual family. Family knows you need help, helps. It's funny. Few weeks ago her dad gives my wife a roll of bills, it didn't seem any were lower than ten. "Here, I don't care what you take because I don't help you out enough, go get what you and Ben need." She come back with a cart load of stuff from Sam's Club that might have totaled around fifty dollars if that. Her dad fussed because she handed him money back and promised to repay what got spent. "Ben you tell her."

"Woman, your papa just told you to go buy the best shit and as much as could until that wad was gone. You disappointed him," I told her. she fussed that we were not like some. Her dad just grinned. "Yes, I know that. It's why I wanted you to do your worst. Your sister will smell this money on me and it'll be gone in no time."

But my wife is right. We're not leeches. We both understand we need to pay our way. We also understand at times we need help and help is there. Our families have paid into that too. We paid into it. I don't fee shame over using it. Well, some because I rather be doing it for us. I hate excuses but when there's fact backing them it's kind of difficult calling them excuses. I need a good sweat lodge. Hm, yes, yes for sure.

Or maybe, I'll settle for a :coffee: & :cloud: this morning. Go look at the funny pages on the telly. See that people still killing, cheating, stealing .. bah, nothing news there.
 

AndriaD

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Well, I recall back during the first of the 90's. I had thought some kind of content service would "pick up" poetry and maybe offer say a percentage of revenue based on page views. It took until I would say roughly 2010 or so for anyone to even start imagining anything like that. Now, I'm kind of tapped out as far as content production goes. I think the anhedonia has fucked me over in that regard.

"But you used to love writing, ..." I had hoped it would offer more as far as a possible revenue vehicle. Saw that you still needed to fight "gatekeepers" stuck in some piss ass 17th century model. So I kind of got irked, disillusioned, dismayed and grew to not like writing.

I know that might sound money grubbing and selfish of me. To some degree maybe but damn it, everybody likes earning some fair wage, using their skills and talents to help contribute to family. It isn't as though I got dreams to be Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Sheldon, Lustbader. Hell no, I just want to be me hiding away and churning out stories, poems, hiding behind hundreds or thousands of names and let others handle all "business" of it. Let me get the revenue coming in fairly and let me churn out writing.

But no, not had any luck trying that. It's this whole "gatekeeper" bullshit too. "Well, you have to market and sale, do business, ..." To which I cringe and reply, "fuck you, I got PRODUCT, y'all want that PRODUCT, y'all can at least take business and get it out of my way while I deliver you PRODUCT and keep the press and whatever else away I'm your PRODUCT PRODUCER let me produce for you and you give me say 75-80% and all will go just fine."

Nope, that doesn't come around. And it's not that I lack the know how of the business end. Well, I might not know it all but enough to get by. I just don't care for doing it. I'm not a public relations type. I'm more the "hey wanna go meet a polymath serial killer writer" type. "Be warned he might kill you for interrupting his writing flow, but well YOLO!"

So, I see that technology for all its vaunted helps it offers, also is used to perpetuate that damn system. It pisses me off. Yes, I've tried doing things to jump that wall too. It just does not keep panning out if it even starts panning out. Because by then usually I'm pissed and well there goes me bothering to write because I got to fuck around with PR, business, diplomacy. I'm not a fucking suit.

I apologize for the rant. Kind of been held back a while. It is just so frustrating and then I lose any sense of enjoyment due to that. That's not all of it but a good part maybe. I come up with all kinds of false starts that don't get past "So what?" That's where you ask yourself as a reader, "why do I care about this story to read it?" "Well, erm, ... I don't actually." Then the writer tosses that start of a story. Why write it if it's not going to be read? But that too is even business I guess.

Totally feel ya. I'm fucking tops at bookkeeping, but otherwise, really can't be arsed about "business;" hell I haven't had a "real job" since 1994, just because I'm such a fucking hermit, I just can't deal with 99.9% of the human race (mostly because they're IDIOTS!). If I have to spend most of my waking hours with them, I just get suicidally depressed, and my husband really prefers if I'm not, so he's always told me, don't worry about working, you do plenty at home -- though I'm a shitty housekeeper for sure; I do love to cook, and do it well, and I manage to keep my kitchen clean and the laundry done, and I take care of keeping the "family books and accounts," and keeping the bills paid, and that is stuff that he doesn't have to deal with, and wouldn't do a very good job if he did have to handle it -- he handled the money for many years, and we never made any financial progress, but since I took it over in 2011, we've gone from "I hope we can buy groceries this payday," to saving up for a 2nd car, which car note is also well within our means -- because I really am a tightwad penny-pincher, and was willing to go to the wall with him about putting ALL the money in the bank, because I can't keep track of what's in his pocket! But now, he's allowed to keep some in his pocket, because we usually have a gracious plenty in the bank -- which is why I don't mind being called a tightwad, penny-pincher, Scrooge McDuck, etc.

About writing... I have to admit, although I do it well, I don't really enjoy it. I am NO KIND of storyteller, which is exactly what I was told when I once submitted a novel to a lit agent -- he begged me to PLEASE not stop writing, because (in his words) I do it "beautifully"... but in the famous words of Harry Callahan, I had to accept my limitations. So, it required waiting until there was a real-life issue about which I'm passionate -- vaping, and the corruption of our gov't WRT vaping -- before I could force myself to sit down and actually WRITE. Well, type. :D Recently when I got back to it, the first lengthy piece I turned out, turned out beautifully -- The Infamous Master Settlement Agreement. Then, because I was MOTHERFUCKING FURIOUS about these goddamned sin taxes and the ungodly horrible mess they've made, I turned out "And The Wages of Sin Tax... Is A Budget Deficit" and I'm very happy with it, too. Then, I was reading a piece over at Dr Michael Siegel's blog, "11,000,000 Lies", in which he was crowing about the "transparent honesty" of the Tobacco Control movement (IKR?), and I just COULD NOT let that pass without rebuttal, so I then turned out "11,000,000+1 and Counting", and I'm happy with it too, though it turned out a bit longer-winded than I had first envisioned. Then, two different pieces about the much-vaunted "teen vaping epidemic" (which doesn't really exist!): "Kids Under the Bus, Vapers Down the Slope" and "Lies, Damned Lies, and [True!] Statistics." And I was really happy with those also, especially the "kids under the bus" one; I started writing it ON MY PHONE! while I was sitting in my doctor's waiting room, I was so absolutely impassioned about that subject, and I really think it's one of the best things I've EVER written. But the 2nd one was published April 11... and I haven't written anything since. Probably because I finally got a bellyful of the anti-vaper idiots on Twitter and have stayed off it, since then, so nothing much has pissed me off enough to make me sit down and write about it. :giggle:

But I'm quite sure, there WILL BE something else that will make me so goddamned furious, I WILL sit down and write something.

All that is a very long-winded way to say that you are NOT limited by the "gatekeeprs," if your aim is simply to write, and be read; you can self-publish online, and if it's good, people WILL read it, and tell their friends, and that is your springboard -- I've read several series on Kindle that began life as self-published online, were eventually picked up by an actual publisher, and now earn some money for their authors. But when I was first looking into writing as a way of earning money, I did read somewhere that most authors have to receive enough rejection letters to wallpaper their home, before making any progress.

And I have to say, "anhedonia" sounds like a fancy word for "depression."

Andria
 

AndriaD

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in winter, my kits keep my toes as warm as a hubby ever did n they listen better too.

My husband and I stopped sleeping in the same bed about 10 yrs ago... and I've slept much better ever since, without having someone with "restless whole body syndrome" jumping around like a goddamned grasshopper EVERY THREE FUCKING MINUTES. And he's probably slept better too, not having to listen to my screaming every night. ;) He could sleep thru being at attention in formation in Marine Corps boot camp, but that's a piece of cake compared to MY screaming!

And I gotta say... not having to put up with a man's smells has also done wonders for my emotional equilibrium. Thx to my chronic insomnia, I keep 3 of those doohickies in here that you put "Febreze inserts" into, so it ALWAYS smells strongly of lavender in here -- MUCH better than male body odor and nocturnal farts! :teehee:

But the cats aren't allowed in my bedroom, thx to my godawful allergy. I take one or two 24-hr antihistamines daily, but still have days with a lot of allergy problems.

Andria
 

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All that is a very long-winded way to say that you are NOT limited by the "gatekeeprs," if your aim is simply to write, and be read; you can self-publish online, and if it's good, people WILL read it, and tell their friends, and that is your springboard -- I've read several series on Kindle that began life as self-published online, were eventually picked up by an actual publisher, and now earn some money for their authors. But when I was first looking into writing as a way of earning money, I did read somewhere that most authors have to receive enough rejection letters to wallpaper their home, before making any progress.
And I have to say, "anhedonia" sounds like a fancy word for "depression."

Yes, that's a part of anhedonia, or rather it is part of depression, or can be. For myself it is in large part due to physiology. Since my body doesn't produce testosterone on its own then it also doesn't allow dopamines to get produced. Funny those dopamines too. They help folks get enthusiastic by means of giving you a "reward" sensation in your neurons. See what "fun" there is when your pituitary gland doesn't function since birth?

No joking in realizing I could very easily could become a sociopath. I am literally "wired" for that and have the brain chemistry for it. Although at the same time there is also this weird concept called "free will". That allows me to leverage some choice in the matter. So, I keep choosing to try feeling. Right now I'm working on finding stuff that draws out love I have similar to how I love my wife. It's hard going to find such things. I do love my cantankerous old dog. :) Even if he does pick on me and act like an asshole at times, he gets it honest.

I've tried blogging as means of writing. It doesn't do good for me. Cannot keep the momentum going to stay steady with it. As you note yourself, a person can feel too wordy. And lots of times there needs to be another way to express ideas, thoughts without words because words just get in the way.

Once did a poem in high school that a teacher read, she put up for a national competition without my knowledge. A few weeks passed and she gives me a copy of my poem back with notation on it. "Not concrete enough" it read. She explained it made it into the top five nationally out of senior high school kids and scoffed at the notation, saying "those judges wouldn't know concrete even had it dried around their feet."

I admit though the poem was rather abstract. I had wrote about a place for myself. The more I age the more I realize that such a place might exist but at times I doubt finding it. And I know, that and a buck fifty gets me a cup of coffee from a greasy spoon. I can not write out of frustration, anger. Sure I need passion but that way isn't for me. I get way too cold with it. I get nasty and in a way that once it's out there's no apology, no way to ever make it not exist. I get far too honest that way as well, even if taking off my own nose to spite my face.

I also can not write erotica it seems. Got a poor character so trauma struck from being raped by a demon I think it killed them outright. Not got any indication from that character about anything. So, no knowing how they feel, what they are going to do, think. They just plopped out of existing. Of course, yes, I know they were a "made up" character and didn't really exist anyway. That makes it all the worse. I write something like that so nasty, so raw that I scare my "made up" entities away. "Run away from this writer now," I envision the "made up" character union exclaiming to their members. Talk about "this bodes not well" going on.

Bah, I'll get there or I won't. It's a rough furrow to hoe out but I reckon we all hoe our own. I will disagree with you regarding gate keepers though. Let me give you a quick example. I'm sure if you're not aware of Danny Casolaro, you can look up the background on him. Go on then and try writing something factual, true about him and what happened and see it get published beyond putting it up on a personal site. It won't happen and you might get labeled kook, crank, conspiracy theorist and that's if your granted knowing it. There's other subjects that will also get censored, "lost", not even looked at. Not all of them are "far out" either. There are gatekeepers we just don't want to admit that.

So yes, get there or not go I.
 

AndriaD

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Yes, that's a part of anhedonia, or rather it is part of depression, or can be. For myself it is in large part due to physiology. Since my body doesn't produce testosterone on its own then it also doesn't allow dopamines to get produced. Funny those dopamines too. They help folks get enthusiastic by means of giving you a "reward" sensation in your neurons. See what "fun" there is when your pituitary gland doesn't function since birth?

No joking in realizing I could very easily could become a sociopath. I am literally "wired" for that and have the brain chemistry for it. Although at the same time there is also this weird concept called "free will". That allows me to leverage some choice in the matter. So, I keep choosing to try feeling. Right now I'm working on finding stuff that draws out love I have similar to how I love my wife. It's hard going to find such things. I do love my cantankerous old dog. :) Even if he does pick on me and act like an asshole at times, he gets it honest.

I've tried blogging as means of writing. It doesn't do good for me. Cannot keep the momentum going to stay steady with it. As you note yourself, a person can feel too wordy. And lots of times there needs to be another way to express ideas, thoughts without words because words just get in the way.

Once did a poem in high school that a teacher read, she put up for a national competition without my knowledge. A few weeks passed and she gives me a copy of my poem back with notation on it. "Not concrete enough" it read. She explained it made it into the top five nationally out of senior high school kids and scoffed at the notation, saying "those judges wouldn't know concrete even had it dried around their feet."

I admit though the poem was rather abstract. I had wrote about a place for myself. The more I age the more I realize that such a place might exist but at times I doubt finding it. And I know, that and a buck fifty gets me a cup of coffee from a greasy spoon. I can not write out of frustration, anger. Sure I need passion but that way isn't for me. I get way too cold with it. I get nasty and in a way that once it's out there's no apology, no way to ever make it not exist. I get far too honest that way as well, even if taking off my own nose to spite my face.

I also can not write erotica it seems. Got a poor character so trauma struck from being raped by a demon I think it killed them outright. Not got any indication from that character about anything. So, no knowing how they feel, what they are going to do, think. They just plopped out of existing. Of course, yes, I know they were a "made up" character and didn't really exist anyway. That makes it all the worse. I write something like that so nasty, so raw that I scare my "made up" entities away. "Run away from this writer now," I envision the "made up" character union exclaiming to their members. Talk about "this bodes not well" going on.

Bah, I'll get there or I won't. It's a rough furrow to hoe out but I reckon we all hoe our own. I will disagree with you regarding gate keepers though. Let me give you a quick example. I'm sure if you're not aware of Danny Casolaro, you can look up the background on him. Go on then and try writing something factual, true about him and what happened and see it get published beyond putting it up on a personal site. It won't happen and you might get labeled kook, crank, conspiracy theorist and that's if your granted knowing it. There's other subjects that will also get censored, "lost", not even looked at. Not all of them are "far out" either. There are gatekeepers we just don't want to admit that.

So yes, get there or not go I.

Hmmm... well, first off, rape is not erotica -- it's brutality, which cannot and will never coexist with erotica, nevermind the 50 shades of WTF. But yes, erotica can be very hard to write. The novel I submitted to the lit agent was just packed with it, of the homosexual persuasion, but it took a few tries before I could "allow" myself to get into the nitty-gritty of it. Unfortunately, that erotica, of which I was fairly proud, got in the way of the story itself, and maybe there really wasn't a story which is why I went hogwild with the erotica -- "no conflict" said the agent, and I intellectually understand what he means, I read a LOT... but I don't think that conflict is something I will ever be able to do well, so I gave up on fiction. I also used to write a lot of poetry, the blank verse type... some of it, I think, was pretty good, but I think a lot of it was "adolescent angst," which is the well that it came from; not being subject to any particular angst nowadays, that well has gone dry. But I always enjoyed writing it, the play of metaphor and rhythm, despite there being zero rhyme or meter.

Funny, about that "nearly a sociopath" thing -- I think I also came very close to that; was once (erroneously) diagnosed as "borderline personality disorder." But I think that was actually a case of overlong adolescence, because I'm neither particularly dramatic nor histrionic now, and I have a lively sense of empathy -- something a sociopath has never been on speaking terms with. An emotionally "normal" person can grow up, and out of unfortunate tendencies like that... a true sociopath never does.

Andria
 

MyMagicMist

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I have a lively sense of empathy -- something a sociopath has never been on speaking terms with. An emotionally "normal" person can grow up, and out of unfortunate tendencies like that... a true sociopath never does.

Quite a fair point. Empathy is a fun idea to look at in regarding sociopaths. You're correct that a true sociopath does not have empathy. You're probably also aware of the phrase, "fake it until you make it", and the fact that if they choose sociopaths can be the world's best mimics.

I don't care much for drama. Which is also to say I don't care much for "conflict", contrived or not. I get too much of it in my own mind as I over think current situation, situation six steps from the Now, twenty four steps.

I prefer the eternal flux of the Now. I'm sure you're aware of the Zazen monks using the now as meaning 'in this moment". I tossed that in a blender with Heraclitus' flux doctrine, "nothing is immortal or eternal save change". Add in the Gestalt prayer, a pinch of Plato's notion we all face adversities in living and you wind up with a blended tall cool drink of empathy.

Humans are as animal as the animals they are alleged stewards over. I write that to emphasize how close we still remain to the base of living. This is an example too of words getting in the way. :) I think you understand my meaning. I'm not meaning to avoid admitting I am or am not a sociopath. What I said initially was I could easily be given my physiology. I further then said I also realize there's a lot of choice involved in that as well.

At one point I do admit I did stop feeling anything. It was a situation that was untenable for a young man still in boy's flesh to handle. He needed to remain safe and he did so by letting go of emotions. Without emotions the aggressor could not 'get in", could not "mess with" the boy. More to the point it allowed the boy to "know" that he had not "fucked up" like the aggressor alleged, had not left tools in the yard, had not destroyed his own toys, had not spoken rudely or out of turn, had not moved furniture around in the home, had not done what ever he was alleged to have done. It let the boy not cry when he watched his mother beaten and thus ended the aggressor's "game" of beating her until the boy cried, then beating the boy until the mother cried.

Later on, the boy no longer a boy and grown to a man learned the aggressor had raped his mom several times. That led to her attempting suicide several times. All the while the aggressor assured her that husband's could never rape their wives, no court would say that. The aggressor told her he would take the children away for her being a bad mother. A good mother would let the husband have her any way he pleased.

Letting go again let me go into the service because I grew up farther-less and didn't want that visited on my two younger brothers. I would have done something terribly wrong had i not went to the service. It would not have been a simple "oh well he killed him" but more along the lines of "oh, is this an ear, or piece of gut?" I was in a very bad place at that point, letting go of emotions, shutting down spared that and let me try moving forward in a manner that was constructive.

So yes, I can shut off emotions. I do not enjoy doing it but I know I can and can be fine doing so, as long as I recall keeping a "tether". Right now for me love of my wife and dog are one tether, a fairly good anchor. Do I have others? Probably, or not. I've grown up a great deal and a lot of it was pushed on me early in life. i was born an older soul anyway. To me that means I think we need to roaring twenties back. Although I'm also keen to big band swing jazz. :) Yes, I'm changing the subject mama. It needs done before someone drops one of those yellow air raid flags.

Yes, I realized my written rape scene was not erotica. Erotica is a gentle flirting and teasing. It's what makes you think he's going to go down on you so fine later on that your mind will leave your body behind and you'll see Jesus! But ultimately he's not lain a finger on you or even really hinted at anything near in his words, manner. You just "feel" it from him, that man can use his tongue so well, you just know it.

Hm, yes, think I know my erotica from my pornography, and or sadomasochistic brutality. Like the difference between discipline and abuse. One is fine as long as it doesn't become the other and that requires itself to act so it does not. :) Yes, know about that. Got taught that by a retired army Ranger.

That's why I knew too it was too much and the story, well it wasn't a story as much as I so am willing it to be. Even an indomitable will cannot save a writer from the story that isn't a story. Those fuckers hurt my mind. Can I kick their ass? look, I've got a functioning dojo up here in my mind. I can keep them quiet so I don't disturb the neighbors. Please oh please let me?

Yes, I know I'm terrible and incorrigible, easy to encourage too. And yes I'm probably being rather immature at the moment. No, I don't feel entitled to that. I do think though I can excuse it because I got frozen at five years old. It was about then life said I needed to be a man and I climbed right in and took the wheel best I could. "Here hold my beer, watch this! Yes mom it's root beer."

Not saying I did the best job of it. Then again, my two younger brothers are seeming to have turned out alright. Got word the one that was being a **** (ty mods/algorithm) addict realized and got his shit squared away. My youngest brother, well, he kind of turned out alright despite our attempts to scare him to death as the two older brothers. Now, I'd be afraid to piss him off. As much as I think I've a sick mind, whew! Don't even want to try plumbing those depths. And my real mama, well she got Jesus now and is content in her life.

"Son, how many mamas you got?"

*counting on fingers, then toes, making in air calculations* "Fifteen and a half I think, sir."

"How many daddy's?"

"I'm the only one. But two others I'd call dad, both now dead. I had nothing to do with that, life took them."

Am I okay? Fuck no but I never am, so what? :) I keep on keeping on. That's what us Disco babies do you know. Ha ha. We're the new breed that your grandparents warned you about and your parents swore you'd have one just like you.

Ah, I see how you are now. Draw out these words will you? *chuckles*
 
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AndriaD

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:)
Andria
 

AndriaD

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Congrats on 5 years cigarette free!

Awesome!

:stars2::stars2::stars2::stars2::stars2:

THANKS! It truly amazes me! Just unbelievable, if I hadn't experienced it for myself!

And that short relapse to dual-use I had, after my appendectomy? WE SENT THE VERY LAST PAYMENT TO THE SURGEON YESTERDAY! :bliss:

We're going out to eat, tonight; we had planned to, this past Saturday, which was our 32nd wedding anniversary, but I wasn't feeling well, so we decided to wait until tonight. Just the fact that we CAN go out to eat, is partly because of not wasting so damn much money on coffin nails for the last 5 yrs! Think we'll go to Chili's; I've never been there, so tonight is a good reason to try it out. :)

Andria
 

SnapDragon NY

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THANKS! It truly amazes me! Just unbelievable, if I hadn't experienced it for myself!

And that short relapse to dual-use I had, after my appendectomy? WE SENT THE VERY LAST PAYMENT TO THE SURGEON YESTERDAY! :bliss:

We're going out to eat, tonight; we had planned to, this past Saturday, which was our 32nd wedding anniversary, but I wasn't feeling well, so we decided to wait until tonight. Just the fact that we CAN go out to eat, is partly because of not wasting so damn much money on coffin nails for the last 5 yrs! Think we'll go to Chili's; I've never been there, so tonight is a good reason to try it out. :)

Andria

I hope you have a great dinner- Chili's is pretty good.
Congrats on your 32nd wedding anniversary as well as your 5 year vaperversary-
 

AndriaD

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I hope you have a great dinner- Chili's is pretty good.
Congrats on your 32nd wedding anniversary as well as your 5 year vaperversary-

Thx! I sent an email today to my ex-husband, the first and worst smoke-nazi with whom I'm personally acquainted -- having been raised as an orthodox Jew, he HATES when I call him that, but y'know, if the shoe fits... ;) He also once told me, "You might GET another man, but you'll never keep him!" So I enjoy sending him an announcement of our anniversary every year. :teehee: I think 32 yrs is a pretty good run, for "never keeping him." :p We've actually been together nearly 33 yrs, but we lived together about 10 months before we got married.

We ended up going to O'Charleys rather than Chilis; we looked at the menu online, and it appears that pretty much everything at Chili's is some variation of mexican-type food, and that's never been one of my favorites... except for guacamole of course; I may not care much for mexican food, but I'm not a total idiot. ;) I had a huge southern-fried-chicken salad, with avocado slices on it, really good!

Andria
 

SnapDragon NY

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Yes Chili's is one of those chain restaurants- I had lunch there with my SIL a few weeks ago, the food was OK, but I thought expensive for what it is.
I love mexican food- LOL! For a big celebration I enjoy much better restaurants that we have in our area- some really good ones here!
Glad you enjoyed your dinner out! Sounds like you had a great meal!
My 40th wedding anniversary is in October- not always easy, but I hang in there- LOL
You should be proud- and again Congrats to you!
 

AndriaD

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Yes Chili's is one of those chain restaurants- I had lunch there with my SIL a few weeks ago, the food was OK, but I thought expensive for what it is.
I love mexican food- LOL! For a big celebration I enjoy much better restaurants that we have in our area- some really good ones here!
Glad you enjoyed your dinner out! Sounds like you had a great meal!
My 40th wedding anniversary is in October- not always easy, but I hang in there- LOL
You should be proud- and again Congrats to you!

Well, we do occasionally get some Taco Bell; I LOVE chalupas! They fit into my love of "fried dough" BEAUTIFULLY! But the Chili's menu seems to WAYYYYYYYY overuse "chipotle", and other kinds of peppers, and I'm really not a fan of any peppers except green bell peppers -- and i can't even eat the peppers themselves, but only use big pieces of it to flavor my food, or it gives me godawful heartburn. To me, jalopenos are "sour," red bell peppers taste like scorched aluminum foil (and smell even worse than that!), and cayenne peppers, whose taste i can tolerate, are just too hot to use more than a SMIDGEN. Pepperoncinis are pretty good, but they're pretty damn tough to try and chew, for those of us with dental issues. Banana peppers, same as pepperoncinis -- decent taste, but TOUGH! So, I mostly leave peppers alone, unless I get one to cut in large pieces to flavor sweet n sour chicken.

Andria
 

SnapDragon NY

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Well, we do occasionally get some Taco Bell; I LOVE chalupas! They fit into my love of "fried dough" BEAUTIFULLY! But the Chili's menu seems to WAYYYYYYYY overuse "chipotle", and other kinds of peppers, and I'm really not a fan of any peppers except green bell peppers -- and i can't even eat the peppers themselves, but only use big pieces of it to flavor my food, or it gives me godawful heartburn. To me, jalopenos are "sour," red bell peppers taste like scorched aluminum foil (and smell even worse than that!), and cayenne peppers, whose taste i can tolerate, are just too hot to use more than a SMIDGEN. Pepperoncinis are pretty good, but they're pretty damn tough to try and chew, for those of us with dental issues. Banana peppers, same as pepperoncinis -- decent taste, but TOUGH! So, I mostly leave peppers alone, unless I get one to cut in large pieces to flavor sweet n sour chicken.

Andria

I agree- I am not much of a pepper lover- especially the hot spicy ones that burn all the way down into my stomach when I eat them .
I love Taco Bells Chalupas too- yummy!
 

AndriaD

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Can't decide if I wanna go be bored at a meeting or not. My husband finds them excruciating, and I do too since they made them non-smoking and then posted "this means e-cigarettes too!" (asshats!) -- though we first met at AA! His 27th is a week from today. Maybe we'll just grab a great sandwich from Subway and celebrate with good eats. I've been trying to stick a little harder to my lose-weight diet, so I deserve a lil reward. It's much too fucking hot and muggy outside for ANYTHING outside, so no walking, at least for a few months. End of September, into October, the weather is usually beautiful, as long as no hurricanes come so far inland that it hits north GA too!

Thx y'all! Life after alcohol really is worth celebrating!
Andria
 

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I was going to mow down at the farm today.
Rained last night and is so muggy the grass just got dry enough to mow here..
Ohh well will try again tomorrow.
 

AndriaD

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I was going to mow down at the farm today.
Rained last night and is so muggy the grass just got dry enough to mow here..
Ohh well will try again tomorrow.

We're solidly into "late afternoon and evening thundershowers and it's hot enough to melt the paint off your car." *sigh*

Andria
 

The Cromwell

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I will be stepping away from VU for a time at least.
I will not go into the reasons except to say Some posting on this board has been tolerated by management and perhaps even encouraged by some. The posting in question does violate rules but seems to have been selectively enforced.
the posts have to do with politics, racism, bigotry and lots of nasty hatred.

Just posted this so no one wold think that something happened to me healthwise or something like that.

And unfortunately NO I am not allowed to go home to Beta Triangula 6 yet either :(

Everyone have a good life and love and help others.
I will miss many of you.
 
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